Tangent | Soukoku; AU [✔]

08 ➳ support // h.x

aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh

yeah, that's me screaming in agony. but i was only screaming it in my mind.

most people think that i am lifeless, walking on the surface of the earth as if i see only black and white.

"soulless body", "emo", "dead inside"... these words i commonly hear from my own league peers, my 'family', or even complete strangers.

although i won't deny their thoughts about me -- and i never will contradict with what they say. those phrases about me, albeit being negative, i do admit to myself that it's true.

i am just a soulless human walking on the phase of the earth.

but that's because i chose to do so.

there are some cases in the course of my life wherein even though i've chosen to express no emotion, sometimes i do want to just go on an emotional rampage and let it all out.

today was one of those days.

stupid brunette!

that chuuya guy and i had an agreement to meet up with him once more at the same place, but only to formally introduce me to his other teammates. i had my schedule written and well planned.

and yet... some brunette that i also saw the other day had to intervene with my schedule.

i had no choice but to entertain the guy for a while. twain said that he was also a league player, but the brunette said that he had quit.

when i said that i'll have him company for a while, i did NOT expect it to take thirty minutes long! that is NOT the meaning of 'for a while'!

as much as i hate to leave people alone, i didn't have any other choice but to excuse myself. i have other agendas to take care of.

the sad life of a support main.

my forehead dripping in sweat despite the cold autumn breeze, i hurriedly ran to the rendezvous just to say that i wasn't that late -- even though i already was.

i stopped at a distance to fix my composure and do some retouching with my physical appearance. first impression is everything, and i didn't want to look like a haggard high school girl who is pretty much stressed with life.

as soon as i feel like i look better, i went back to my normal pace and walked towards the cafe, where an orange-haired man in a hat was sitting down like a thug, a cigarette stick between his index and middle fingers.

the other members have noticed my approach, as well. "hello, miss! how can we be of help?" was the first sentence of another brunette with a mushroom cut. i feel like he can be a catcaller.

"moron!" chuuya, the only person i knew there, burst out. "don't speak as if you're a pedophile. this is the new member of our team."

and suddenly, each and every one of them were silent. their eyes roam around from head to toe, probably judging my physique.

"i am hayakawa xyren. i am honored to be part of your team, as of chuuya's recommendation."

sometimes, when you're polite, some people decide to be rude despite showing them good.

"that's true, you're only part of this team as of our adc's suggestion," the raven-haired guy spat out. "but we haven't seen you play. so how can you assume that you'll get fully accepted?"

"easy, akutagawa," the shorter guy said -- the one with a band-aid on the bridge of his nose. "she's just a support. she has no win chance against us."

i gave chuuya a glare, in which he caught. he reverted his gaze away; he must have realized that they're roasting me for being 'just a support' when in fact, their own adc lost to me in a one-vs-one battle.

i kept my mouth shut. this was nothing new to me.

supports always get bashed and hated. other roles think they're weak. players refuse to play this role because they don't get the glory, and that they think it is a useless role out of it all.

welcome to the life of a support main, where i learned to embrace the hate.

  ☀️ 

i am sorry for the lack of activity. i just recovered from a major depression outbreak + it is midterms week, i missed a lot of stuff at school due to me intentionally skipping it. will try to do better when exams are done~ ^^  --risu