Tangent | Soukoku; AU [✔]

75 ➳ tangent // d.o

fuck. i regret everything. i regret not being there sooner.

word got out that the new port mafia support had died in the hospital due to several existing health complications. it was weeks before their tournament in south korea too, and once again, port mafia loses their support weeks before another major tournament. the deja vu for those folks.

that day when i saw xyren getting carried into the ambulance was the last day i'll be ever seeing her. that day, i obliged to my duties rather than checking on her like what my heart told me to do. how stupid of me, and how very un-dazai of me.

the funeral is hosted by xyren's pastor friend, of course, located in the apartment she resides in. only those in port mafia were allowed to see her, and for some reason, me as well. the pastor must have rummaged through xyren's contacts, that or that was xyren's final wishes.

i was still kind of frustrated for our lack of communication after the tournament, but now it no longer mattered. i couldn't blame the agency either; there was only myself to blame.

i decided to go to the funeral after my work in the agency, since i'm pretty sure that i'll be meeting heads with the mafia team if i go there during the day. sundown should be good.

ah, sunset... that was when we first met, i can't believe that it will be the last too, xyren. god damn it.

to hell i can't even focus on my tasks at the agency today. my mind was clouding harder than it should, with all these regrets and sadness. such a beautiful soul shouldn't be dying that early.

hold on for now and stay strong, dazai... sunset will approach soon.

☀

i followed the directions given to me by the pastor on the way to this said apartment. some apartment this is, the lobby looks like a hotel lobby. can't say i'm surprised though, apparently this entire thing is owned by a rich man named fitzgerald.

the funeral viewing was held in this same lobby. i do not recognize any of the people present, and it doesn't look like that the port mafia are here anymore, so i took the leisure to take my time. the pastor friend of xyren talked to me as well during my time there, saying that he's only known me through xyren's words. we talked for a bit about her until the pastor was called by someone and he had to excuse himself.

i told him that i was going to go now as well. i took one last glance of the altar where her jar of ashes and a portrait photo was displayed next to it. even in photographs xyren looked the same as ever -- her independent, statue-like appearance. i know i called her a walking corpse before, but now i couldn't bear calling her such anymore.

i finally got out of the apartment and decided to take a stroll to recoup my thoughts. everything happened so fast that i didn't know what to feel. to me, it feels like xyren and i were just playing league some days ago, and that she was still asking me about my history with port mafia.

now, all i have are those match histories and some text chats we had from before.

while i was walking, i heard a familiar scream in the distance. i know that tone of scream from anywhere, and the fact that i do know it cringes the shit out of me.

on the other side of the street, near the waters of yokohama, the silhouette of a short, hatted man was spotted. another scream was let out by this same silhouette while innocent bystanders look at him with confusion. i sighed. of course it was him, and he's probably feeling all sort of emotions right now.

i decided to approach the short man and held him by his shoulders. chuuya quickly turned around to face me, and lo and behold, he was a mess with all those tears on his face.

"dazai?! w-what the fuck," in a matter of seconds, chuuya's personality swapped upon the sight of me. he quickly wiped the tears off his face with the sleeves of his coat and gave me his usual aggressive persona. "what do you want?"

i can tell that he was trying so hard to toughen up around me -- like how he's always been around me. as much as i want to jester around him, i kept my cool for now. "i know we're just feeling the same thing at the moment."

chuuya was catching for his breath now as he fights the urge to go in another emotional outburst. he fails this, of course, as his tears were still flowing out of his eyes, but he wasn't screaming and wasn't as emotional.

"we're going in another tournament without a goddamn support," chuuya said in between gritted teeth. "we didn't know that xyren got sick this entire time, and then poof! sudden news that she was dead!"

"i didn't know either," was all i said. i didn't bother mentioning about that day when i saw her getting carried to an ambulance. it will probably agitate him even more.

silence; only the flowing body of water behind us could be heard, and some occasional bustling city noises. it was already dark and only the moon and lampposts were keeping us lit.

a thought occurred to me, and i decided to bring it up with the man next to me. "chuuya, remember that bet we had about xyren?"

"yeah, what about it?"

"i think we both lost even before we thought of it," i said with confidence, letting out a heavy sigh afterwards as well. it was something i was keeping at the back of my head for quite some time now, and i didn't want to admit it to myself back then. "xyren just coincidentally existed within our lives to pass by. kinda like how some lines are called tangents in a circle. they just meet on the edge of a circle at some point, but never to return."

"heh, what a nerd you are, dazai," chuuya replied in an attempt to sound his usual smug self. "b-but yeah, i guess you're right. it's just sad that while we made it out of regular season, we won't be able to play with her in the asian tournament."

i shrugged. "i just lost a friend. that's all."

it was yet again quiet after that. chuuya and i just sat there for what felt like an hour before he decided to go home. he's probably going to drown himself in wine again to cope with his feelings.

as for me, i decided to stay there for a while. i wonder what would xyren feel if she finds out that chuuya and i finally interacted without any sort of hostility against each other.

rest in peace, hayakawa xyren. i hope that made you smile a bit. a sad reality it is that only death brings some people closer and calmer.