Vanilla+brown sugar (Hyunlix)

Desire

Hyunjin's Pov

<2 days earlier>

A distraction-I need a distraction. To get my mind off of what you may ask? more like who, a certain freckled face blond that I think I don't deserve. See the thing about me is, I'm used to one night stands. Whether I don't know their name or I do, once we've fucked, I don't see the point in seeing you again. People are replaceable like that, especially when it comes to sex. So why does it feel different with him? I thought I would have my fun with him and then move on but now that I've gotten a taste I don't think I can let him go. It was different and I don't know why. Maybe it's because we're compatible in bed and he's just my type or maybe it's something deeper than that. When I woke up that morning and saw him beside me, I felt a strong urge to make him mine. To let him know that I can't bare thinking of him with another person. That the thought of another man's hands on him makes me feel an intense rage that I've never felt before. I know I'm being possessive but these feelings also make me uncomfortable. Almost like they are not my own. Because no one has ever caught my attention like he has. No one is on my mind 24/7 like he is and no one makes me wanna do strange things like he does. I've changed. I was surprised at my own actions that one time when I bought him flowers and the embarrassing words I told him that I just want to take back, but I couldn't help it. How could I not buy someone as pretty as him flowers ?. That day I just had the sudden urge to spoil him and make him smile. To prove to him that I can read him well and that I know what he wants. I saw the way he was looking at those flowers. His eyes sparkled like a child admiring a toy in a show window. Everything about him screams ethereal and although I intended to ruin him at the start, now I can't see myself doing that. To someone who is so delicate and angelic in my eyes. I want to keep him to myself sometimes, and if I could, I'd lock him up for only me to see. Because he really is the prettiest. However, I know that I can't do that, because hurting him is another thing I just can't bare to think about. Not as much as the thought of someone else hurting him or making him cry. As long I'm around I won't allow anybody else to touch him or make him feel like he's not good enough. I can't stand the sight of tears in his eyes. He deserves nothing but happiness. I want to give him that happiness but that's easier said than done. Someone as innocent and soft as him must already have everything. A loving family. Friends that care about him. What else can I give to him ? Someone like me who's never tried loving anyone. I will just end up hurting him and he doesn't deserve that. That's why I need to learn more about him. His habits, his likes, and his dislikes. I want to understand him. I already know that he likes teddy bears and that he dislikes the dark, but why ? There must be a deeper reason for that. Why does someone at his age like teddy bears and get a full-on panic attack just because of the dark ? To some people, teddy bears provide comfort and companionship and I know it's not just children who benefit from that. Was he ever lonely? It makes me upset just thinking about him being alone and having no one to talk to. As to why he's afraid of the dark. Something traumatic must have happened to him. Was it recent or did it happen when he was a child?. Whatever it is, it's not normal. There's so much that I don't know. Although I think it will be easy to find out. His emotions are so easy to read. He's the type to show what he's feeling on his face. Sometimes I look at him and I think he looks so clueless. There's hesitation in his words and movements. He seems like the type to not know a lot about anything. Sheltered and untouched. He also likes being praised. I noticed that when we had sex the other night. The way he would react and moan at every praise I gave him. It was really the cutest sight. Did he not get attention as a child ? He was a lot needier than I thought. That's not a bad thing though, I like that about him. If one compliment of mine can get him all weak and turned on then I don't mind playing along. If he wants to be appreciated and acknowledged, then that's fine by me. I can't wait to see what kind of reactions I'll get from him. I've been feeling like a horny teenager these past few days. Just the thought of him gets me excited and it's sick. I had to stop myself the other day from jerking off in the laundry room. Sounds insane but I can explain. It all started when I was placing my dirty clothes into the washing machine and I picked up Felix's little black skirt among my pile of clothes. I would never expect my mind to go places just because of a piece of fabric, but it did, and before I could blink I was hard. Painfully hard. Could you blame me ? For a guy, he really has one of the sexiest thighs I have ever seen. Eventually, later that night, I succumbed to my desires and jerked off with his skirt in my hand. Cumming twice because of my fantasies of Felix in that skirt with his back arched and ass up on a bed in front of me. I never thought I would go back to using my imagination as a grown man. When I could just find somebody to hook up with when I'm horny. The problem is that person wouldn't be him. So I wouldn't waste my time trying. I guess there really is a first time for everything. It's definitely a secret I'm taking to my grave and if it's one person I would never tell about this it's Minho. As my best friend, I know he would make it his mission to never let me forget. I still feel so embarrassed, pathetic even. This is exactly what I mean by I've changed and I need to get these feelings under control. These feelings don't feel like my own. At the same time, I'm greedy and I want him all to myself. Not that I'll ever admit it.