Vanilla+brown sugar (Hyunlix)

What I deserve

Lately, I've been happy. But why does that scare me? I just want life to be normal. But what is normal? Questions aside since I don't think I'll ever know the answer. I meant it when I said that I'm happy. How can I complain when I have such an amazing boyfriend and friends making sure I'm alright?

Running away quite literally changed my life.

Journal Entry 41

Felix's pov

"Wait just let me get my measuring tape," Jisung tells me as he digs through his drawer and I hum happily, moving to the other side of the studio to go stand in front of the mirror. Staring at my very cozy outfit which reminds me of the green care bear.

But I'll forget about my cute outfit for now. I'm here today at Mrs. Hwang's company for another fitting, since she wants me to be a model for her winter collection. Exciting right? But getting a call from her at 10 pm really surprised me. And if we had to talk about anything I would expect it to be about the fact that I'm dating her son but I guess Hyunjin hasn't told her yet or I don't know if he even wants to.

Jisung quickly takes my measurements like how he normally does and by the time we're done, we're on our fifth argument on why he thinks chocolate ice cream is the best ice cream flavor and why I think it shouldn't even be a flavor to begin with.

"Okay, Lix but think about it" Jisung begins again, clearly passionate about the topic. However, he tends to do this a lot with everything he talks about and I really like that about him. I like having a friend I can just have unserious ass conversations with you know.

"Anything and I repeat anything chocolate flavored is delicious. For instance—chocolate cake—milkshakes even freaking cereal" he continues and I shrug saying,

"Well yeah, but I just don't think chocolate ice cream can be put on the same level as chocolate cake or milkshakes you know."

Jisung gives me a look, staring at me in disbelief for a second.

"I'm sure if Hyunjin told you how he thinks chocolate ice cream is the pinnacle of all ice cream flavors you wouldn't even disagree."

"What-what does that have to do with" I stare at him dumbfounded "So what..." I fold my arms over my chest "I can't even have an opinion now?"

"Mhm no" he does the same folding his arms over his chest but more sassily "Not when it comes to chocolate ice cream you can."

I stare at him and he stares at me and like the two crazy ppl we are we both break out into a fit of airy giggles. Laughing like the conversation wasn't serious to us just a few seconds ago.

And stopping as the telephone begins to ring but it's not mine but Jisung's work phone. He walks to the other side of the room, picking it up, and answering with an annoyed look on his face.

I hope he's not being overworked.

Sounding surprised he turns to me and says "Felix it's the secretary your mom is downstairs and she wants to see you."

A shocking ache grabs hold of my chest and I stand up only to freeze on the spot as reality hits me.

"Jisung" I mutter shakily "my mother is dead."

He freezes as well dropping the telephone down on the table.

Is this some kind of sick joke? Or a prank call maybe?

Everything went silent except for the loud thumping in my chest. And hopeful emotions rise, clogging my throat as it tightens. A long time ago I believed my mom was alive but believing isn't enough when you're in a dark place. So I stopped hoping for her to come save me—𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝖺𝗇𝗒𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝗍𝗈 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝖾 𝗁𝖾𝗅𝗉 𝗆𝖾. I was just a little boy—but here I am, free, and away from that house and I did it all on my own.

So why am I—why is that same little boy begging me somewhere deep inside my mind to believe that my mom is here?

The woman who made me. Then left me. Is asking to see me.

And so he wins.

And I rush out of the room, ignoring Jisung's voice. I don't bother to take the elevator. And something in my mind is telling me this whole situation seems suspicious. But I can't stop.

I reach the waiting room, and standing at the front desk is a woman. Brown hair, small figure...

"Playtime is over Felix."