It's Time To Go // Criston Cole // Harwin Strong

37. Could've Fooled Me

When rhaenyra birthed a black haired boy. Aislynn had a conniption. She went to Alicent immedately.

"That bitch." Alicent hissed

"What the literal hell! The both of them." Aislynn was hyperventilating and screaming and on the brink of tears all at the same time. "I thought we were doing good but clearly we are not!" Aislynn hissed.

"And here I thought he was an alright guy."

"You think it could be someone elses?" Aislynn questioned hopefully

"Yes totally." Alicent agreed.

"Don't lie to me. I saw the way he looked at the baby." Aislynn countered. "Why would he do this?"

+

"Sorry I didn't set up a meeting to discuss the pros and cons of my reactions before sharing them. I'll make sure to call your secretary so we can plan time for you to approve my emotions."

"That's not what I meant, and you know it," Harwin growled.

"Then what did you mean, Harwin?" Aislynn sneered. "Enlighten me."

"I just didn't expect to be bombarded at supper with all the issues my wife has apparently been harboring without any warning before sharing them with the entire table." Harwin declared.

"Well, I didn't expect to have to fight to have my husband want to fuck me with some excitement," Aislynn shouted.

As soon as the words slipped free, Aislynn wanted to shove them back down. Especially when his eyes shifted from mad to shocked to hurt. Three emotions Aislynn never thought she would make him feel. This was her husband, yet he was hurting her too and he didnt even see it.

All because Aislynn couldn't figure out how to deal with her own hurt. All because she couldn't handle facing the emotions tearing her apart. All because of her own failure, her own fears of not having a child that every black haired baby was suddenly going to be Harwin's bastard. But it was hold he held the baby. Jacaerys.

All of a sudden, the spinning stopped, and Aislynn was left to stare out over the aftermath of their actions. Everything cleared, and she stood face to face with the collateral. Guilt wrapped around her chest and squeezed. Maybe it wasnt his, but how he held the babe. As though it was the greatest gift in the world. How he never looked at her like that. Words clamored up Aislynns throat, but she choked them off, lacking the confidence that they wouldn't add more pain to the fire. He shook his head and studied her, the fight draining from his strong body, leaving hunched shoulders.

"Are you not happy with me? Is that what this is?" Aislynn whimpered.

"What? No! Of course, I'm happy with you." Harwin offered.

Of all the things Aislynn expected him to say, that wasn't one. But why wouldn't it be? I'd been struggling, and rather than leaning on my husband and talking to him like I always did, I shut him out. No wonder he thought it was him.

"Really? You could've fooled me." Aislynn muttered.

"Aislynn-"

"Harwin." Aislynn snapped back "Am I not enough?" she asked quietly, struggling to meet his gaze.

"You are more than enough," Harwin promised. Aislynn was so much more than he deserved. "I love you."

"I know you do. But I have to wonder if you need more..." Aislynn paused and looked away. "Someone younger than me, blonder, royal." she offered.

"What? No. You are what I need. Exactly as you are." Harwin offered. "Please, AIslynn. I need you to believe me when I tell you that. I'm so sorry I ever made you question it. Thes—" Harwins throat closed over the words, not ready to say them. Fire burned up Aislynn's throat to her eyes, blurring her vision. Neither may be ready to say them, but they had to say something. Swallowing the ball threatening to choke him, Harwin pushed on.

"I know I've been off these past few moons." At that, her eyes shot to Harwins, and he froze, wanting to run away from all their questions, but she deserved this much. "It's not you. I promise. I'm just...struggling...with... the new position." Another thick swallow. "I just need to process it. And I'm so unbelievably sorry that I ever made you feel like you weren't enough to me." Harwin remarked.

Aislynn held her breath, waiting for him to say something more. The doubt marring his handsome face flayed her skin, cutting her open. She might as well been named Bolton because she felt like her skin was being peeled off as she stared back at him. Harwin needed her to believe him. He needed her to know she had him still. Using the last thing Harwin could think of, Harwin laid himself at Aislynns feet in the only way he knew how, hoping she wouldn't walk away.

"Aislynn...Please." Harwin whispered dropping to his knees, "You have to believe me."

A spark flashed in the dark depths of his gaze, lighting a matching spark of hope in Aislynn's chest. His eyes softened, making room for the hint of light to grow, shifting his stare from doubt to something warmer.

And Aislynn believed him, because how could she not.