♥ I Never Thought I'd Love You ♥

~Chapter 20: Promise Me

~Chapter 20: Promise Me

            I blinked and we stared at each other for about a minute. Then all of a sudden, Niall lowered his face onto mine and kissed me. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck, hesitant. My heart was pounding and I didn’t know what to do. Usually, I’d just shove him away, because I didn’t know how to react. But this time, I felt stunned, but I liked it. When he pulled away, I frowned. “How did that feel?” Niall asked.

            I pushed him away a bit, shy. “It gave me butterflies,” I admitted, embarrassed.

            “Did you like it?” he asked, climbing onto the bed with me.

            I felt the blood rush to my face as I replied, “Kind of?” This was an awkward conversation. I found it difficult to look him in the eyes, but I couldn’t keep myself from smiling.

            I tried to hide my face, but he nudged me playfully and said, “Hey, Cordelia, look at me.” Niall pulled me onto his lap, but I still refused to look at him. “Are you really that scared of me?”

            “I’m not scared,” I answered shyly.

            “Then it’s your turn to kiss me.” I looked at Niall and scrambled off his lap, embarrassed.

            “What do you want from me?” I asked. I wasn’t exactly mad or defensive. I was actually really curious about where he was going with this conversation.

            “I just want to know if you like me or not, but you won’t tell me or give me a direct answer.” Niall frowned.

            “What do you think it is?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

            “That you do, but you don’t want to admit it to yourself or anyone.” Niall cocked his head and looked at me. “Am I right?”

            “Uhh.” I pulled the covers over me, as if trying to shield myself from him. I was breathing in short breaths. “Maybe.”

            Niall pulled me back into his arms, locking me in his grip. I put my hand on his shoulder but still refused to look at him. “You don’t have to say it. You just need to show it. After all, actions do speak louder than words.”

            I looked at him, then his lips. Should I? No. YES. No, I negotiated with myself. Yes, do it. NO, DON’T. Cordelia, what are you thinking?! GO FOR IT! Wait, are you crazy?! JUST STOP. I didn’t think and just pulled his face to mine, crashing my lips into his. It was our first passionate kiss. Niall wrapped his arms around my waist and turned his head a bit. Be glad, Niall, I thought. You’re probably the only person I’d do this to. I pulled away and bit my lip, blushing.

           Niall smiled at me and touched his lips to my neck. I could feel his breath, sending chills down my spine. “So, you DO like me…”

            “I’m starting to lose count of how many times we’ve kissed,” I replied, changing the subject quickly.

            “Don’t change the subject, Cordelia,” Niall answered. Shit, I thought. Plan backfired. “By the way, it’s been only 3 or 4 times… I think.”

            “I don’t know if I like you or not,” I said defensively. “Maybe I just feel attracted to you, but I don’t have true feelings for you.” I regretted what I had said the instant the words left my mouth. I felt Niall’s arms loosen around me.

            He slowly asked, “And… why would you think that?”

            “I’m sorry, Niall. It’s just… everything I’ve been through all my life is just pain. I don’t know how to deal with these feelings because I’ve never felt them before.” I took Niall’s hands in mine and told him, “You’re the first person I’ve ever felt about this way before.” I lowered my eyes. “To be honest, I don’t understand half the words that come out of my mouth.” I sighed and let go of his hands. “But I guess that’s no excuse. I’m sorry.”

            We were silent for a moment. Then, Niall finally spoke. “Hey… it’s going to be alright.” He touched my hand, his touch so gentle. I was immediately reminded of my mother’s touch, which brought tears to my eyes. I gripped his hand tightly, like a scared child, unwilling to let go.

            I looked at him, my tears falling. Risking everything for me, teaching me like this, putting up with my worst like nobody else… What else could I burden him with? My reluctant and bipolar feelings? My depression? My complaints? “Niall, if anything ever happens to me, promise me… promise that you’ll be happy. Don’t ever end up like me. Promise me, okay?” I demanded.

            “Why are you asking me this?” Niall asked. “What do you mean ‘if anything ever happens to you’?”

            “You’re not going to be able to protect me from everything,” I said. “You have your limits and I don’t want you risking too much for me.” My voice trailed off. “Because…”