♥ I Never Thought I'd Love You ♥

~Chapter 34: Tired of Being Tired

~Chapter 34: Tired of Being Tired

            I stood silent for a second, choosing the right words to reply. “Of course I did, Niall. Why wouldn’t I?”

            “Just making sure.” Niall smiled and stayed silent until the waiter came to take our order.

            We sat across from each other, staring blankly ahead after the waiter left. “So, Cordelia. When did you figure that you liked me?” He smiled at me, amused.

            I shrugged. “Niall, it’s only been a few days… I don’t know. I feel the desire to be with you, and I feel secure with you… But when I think about it all, it’s a lot to process.”

            Niall nodded slowly. “I see.” After that, we were silent for a moment. “Go on tour with me, Cordelia.” He grabbed my hands.

            It nearly felt like everything around me was crumbling down. I didn’t know how to answer him. Only four more days to make a choice that would probably change my life forever. “I don’t know if I’m ready for this.” I sunk back in my seat, not knowing what else to say. Niall let go of my hands. “It all happened so fast…”

            I could see Niall was determined to get my confirmation, but he held back. “Alright, Cordelia,” he finally replied. “It’s all up to you.”

            I hesitated to answer. What do I say?! I thought. Going on tour with Niall James Horan is a big step to take into the real world. I don’t know if I’m ready for this. But if I don’t go with him, I’ll probably never see him again. And I’ll lose that feeling of being secure… “I…”

            “It’s alright, Cordelia. You don’t need to rush yourself.”

            “No, I mean. I’ll think about it. And I’ll have an answer for you at the end of… these four days.”

            “You don’t need to bother answering me if it’s a no.”

             “Well, you don’t know that yet.”

~~~~

            “I’ve never asked a fan to go on tour with me,” Niall said while we were walking.

            I twirled my shopping bags and asked, “What point are you trying to prove?”

            “Nothing.”

           I let out a little laugh but then started to think about the situation. At that moment, a group of girls passed by, glaring at me. “That’s her,” they whispered. “Cordelia.”

          I watched them, my eyebrows arching. More girls passed by. A girl shouted at me, “You don’t deserve Niall!” I blinked, stunned. So, first people hate on Niall and now people hate on me?

            “She didn’t ask for your opinion!” Niall called back to her. He turned to me. “Just ignore them.”

            I didn’t reply and turned away from him, continuing to walk. I received more comments afterwards. “You’re not even pretty.” “What makes you think you deserve to have Niall?” “You’re only going to break his heart.” “He’s mine, not yours.” “You’ll ruin his innocence.” I knew that I shouldn’t have listened to them, but if you’ve been hated like that all your life, it gets to you easily. I clenched my fists but still put on a smile for Niall.

            “Cordelia, you don’t have to keep smiling. I know you’re hurt,” Niall responded at one point.

            My fake smile immediately turned into a solemn frown. I felt the tears build up in my eyes as my throat burned, trying to hold them back. “I’m sorry, Niall. I’m costing you all your fans…”

            “It’s not your fault. They just don’t like it when we’re with someone that doesn’t appeal to them… But not all our fans are like that. Trust me.”

            I was silent for a moment. “I want to go back.”

~~~~

            I slowly took out all the clothes Niall had bought for me. I smiled, looking at the dresses and shirts he had picked out for me. My favourite was the matching shirts that said “SOUL” on one shirt, then “MATE” on the other.

            At one point, I just put down everything and walked out onto the balcony. I felt weighed on by the choice I needed to make within four days. I felt upset because of all the hate Niall and I received. Most of all, I felt tired. I felt tired of feeling emotions. I felt tired of being hurt, tired of being upset, tired of being pressured, tired of being myself. Most of all, I was tired of being tired. Niall was in Adriana’s room with the rest of the boys as I sat in his room, requested on being alone. I sank to the ground of the balcony and hugged my knees to my chin. I buried my face in my arms and cried.