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Alpha - The Corset - Chapter 11

The Present

Sora's POV

"Then I shouldn't distract you. I will stop from now on so you can focus on your work. I won't suppress my feelings for your needs anymore, so it's best if we break up. You should find someone willing to give you the space you need. And that's not me," I responded with a blank face. Seokjin stood motionlessly before me as the afternoon breeze brushed his soft hair. Even the sky was gloomy... as I requested to end our relationship before the setting sun.

"I refuse to break up with you," Seokjin sternly replied. I paused, slightly taken aback by his assertion.

"A one-sided relationship won't work-"

"It's not one-sided. We both like each other, and it doesn't make sense to end our relationship over a minor problem," Seokjin insisted with a disapproving frown. 

"It's not a minor problem to you," I blinked. If it wasn't that big of a problem, Seokjin wouldn't have ignored my existence for days without reaching out. I'm not claiming to be right in this case, but if my actions bothered him to the extent he didn't want to talk or see me again... it'll only make sense for us to split up. I won't justify my problematic acts, but I will apologize for my wrongdoings. Seokjin clenched his jaw at my words before letting out a deep sigh.

"I don't want us to waste each other's time. If we break up now... all the moments we spend together will go to waste-"

"Why do you keep claiming it's a waste of time to be in a relationship- and yet you want us to work? It seems like you're conflicted with your decision to be with me. If it's really a waste of your time to be in love, then let's cut everything loose now so I don't have to bawl my eyes out for longer than a week," I argued. It's a waste of time. That's what he keeps telling me. If it's so wrong to be with me... then what is he hanging on for?

"Sora, please. Let's sensibly deal with this instead of shutting each other out-"

"I'll give you time until the ceremony is over. Think it through, and we'll end it after the event," I sighed.

"I like you! Why won't you believe me!? I- I don't know how this- relationship- thing works! It's my first time- and I'm- I'm trying to figure out everything! Can't you offer me some sympathy? It's difficult for me to adjust my daily work routine with our relationship, but that doesn't mean I don't care about you! I want to spend time with you! If that's what you're curious about, then yes! I want to be with you all the time! Oh? I might not display a favorable reaction to the way you were staring at me in class, but you were fluttering my heart! Whenever you touch me- I feel like I'm in heaven- and every time I hold you... I don't want to let go! It's difficult for me to process my feelings because I've never experienced them before! I can't give up on my work... or do I wish to give up on you! I'm trying Sora! I'm trying so hard to figure us out, and I'm sorry if you feel like I don't appreciate your love! But I'm trying- desperately- to adjust- and even now... I'm feeling an- intense heartache... and yet- I can't understand why! I was never raised or taught to deal with love before. And even with so much pain- I'm still yearning for you! I don't know what it is, but if this is love... if this is what it's like to be in love... then I guess I'm damn screwed!" Seokjin suddenly lashed out at me until his eyes burned with tears. I gripped my fist and fell silent upon witnessing his frustration.

The darkness... inside me has taken over me once again. That's why I'm saying all these hurtful words to him as a self-defense instinct to avoid getting hurt... It's what I've been doing ever since my family traumatized me. But I'm aware. I know he's in pain because of my irrational claims. Should I allow the darkness to dominate my mind... or do I resist it and address the problem?