Flashback
Lisa let the water flow from the showerhead, the sound of its gentle stream echoing through the room while her eyes were drawn to the mirror above the sink. There, staring back at her, was a reflection she hardly recognized. It was a reflection of someone consumed by anger and hatred. The anger that consumed her turned her into something dark and destructive, seeking revenge for the pain she felt. She vented it all out, blaming Jennie for everything she didn't even do.
It felt like someone took over her body, fueling her rage and pushing her to act out in a way that wasn't her. When she came back to her senses, she saw Jennie lying on her bed, spent, with marks on her skin and some stains of blood on her sheets. Lisa instantly regretted what she did. She had lost control and lashed out at Jennie through sex, making sure she was in pain to at least get even, but it only left her filled with guilt and remorse. She never thought of doing this to Jennie, but she couldn't control the rage in her whenever she sees Jennie's face. She could see a vivid picture of them kissing and enjoying each other's touch. She couldn't unsee it.
"What have I done?" Lisa muttered under her breath as she looked at the mirror, rubbing her face with her trembling hands. She never imagined that she could become someone capable of such violence and harm.
"What have I done, what have I done, what have I done?" she whispered over and over again, pressing her head between her hands as she paced back and forth in the bathroom, her voice filled with regret and self-disgust.
Taking a deep breath, Lisa decided to step away from the mirror and turn off the shower, allowing the room to fall into silence. Her trembling hands found a towel, and she gently dried her face, trying to erase the face of the monster looking back at her from the mirror.
Tears welled up in Lisa's eyes as she sat beside Jennie. She wanted to wake her up, apologize, and take back everything she said, but the damage has already been done.
"I'm so sorry," Lisa managed to say through her sobs.
"I... I can't stay here," she continued, sniffling, as she stroked Jennie's head gently. "This place reminds me of all the pain and loss in my life... including you." She pursed her quivering lips and took a deep breath, trying to steady herself.
"I... seeing you reminds me of that night, every detail of it, from that kiss to... to the moment I lost Mom and Dad... and it's ruining me inside out..."
"Look at this mess I've made... I already messed it up so badly..." Lisa wiped away her tears with the back of her hand and knelt on the floor to level herself with Jennie.
"I... I don't want to drag you down with me," she whispered as she held Jennie's hand and gently placed it against her cheek.
"And I... I think I would lose my mind if I stay here," she added as she buried her face in the sheet of Jennie's bed, trying to muffle her cries. "I'm sorry I can't keep my promise, but this is the best that I can do for myself right now."
"I'm choosing me this time." She gasped between her tears and let out a shaky breath as she pressed her fingers against her eyes, trying to stop the flow of her tears, but they kept streaming down her face uncontrollably.
"I'll miss everything about you - your touch, your warmth, your..." She let out a wistful chuckle before she continued, "...your gummy smile," and, tears still streaming down her face.
"I wish that things turned out differently between us."
"I'm sorry..." she mumbled as she nuzzled her nose against Jennie's for one last time before kissing her forehead with her quivering lips.
YOU ARE READING
What if? - Jenlisa
Fanfiction"Rejection is way better than what-ifs Jennie," I said and glance at her. "You need to, try it first at least," she muttered. "You think? Even if I know that it'll hurt me in the process?" I asked chuckling. "There are things better left unsaid" I a...
