(Link, Zelda, Daruk, Mipha, Revali, and Urbosa joined the chat)
LINK: Yo guys what do you think of that Nintendo Direct the other day? Pretty epic right
DARUK: Tf is a Nintendo Direct
LINK: ah, nevermind. Anyway guys how have you all been?
DARUK: I been alright. But dang they don't make rock roast the way they used to nowadays.... It ain't the same, damn it!
URBOSA: Calm down, Daruk.
DARUK: Easy for you to say, Urbosa. You're just a normal person. All of you. You don't understand. You couldn't ever understand what we Gorons go through in life.
LINK: I mean Revali has chicken wings, he sure isn't normal.
REVALI: Hey!
(Link muted Revali)
LINK: And Mipha's like a freaking fish with lungs and legs and arms and uh other human parts and fricking lungs! Like what the heck. And she can even live for over 400 years!
MIPHA: I'm not a fish, Link!
LINK: Whatever. I'm just saying you sure aren't normal
MIPHA: 😥
DARUK: Hah! Compared to Gorons you Zora are plenty normal. Zora biology, as wacky as it may be, has been thoroughly studied, even if there are still plenty of unanswered questions
ZELDA: What... kind of... unanswered questions?
DARUK: Like the whole thing about if Zora and Hylians can-
MIPHA: Can you get to the point, Daruk???
DARUK: Tell me little fellas, do you know how old I am?
LINK: No
DARUK: Do you know how old Gorons can get?
URBOSA: No
DARUK: Do you know how Gorons are born?
ZELDA: I guess not.
DARUK: Ever seen a female goron?
MIHPA: No...
DARUK: So what do you know about us?
ZELDA: You eat rocks, and live in the mountains... And you all appear to be male
DARUK: I'll correct you there, we gorons have no gender. We just act like men based on the influence of hylian culture. How do you think we get into Gerudo Town?
URBOSA: That explains a lot...
LINK: So how are you born?
DARUK: We're born from the rocks. We grow by eating stuff like Rock Roast, which becomes the rocks on our back.
ZELDA: So the only purpose of Rock Roast is for Gorons to grow?
DARUK: Indeed
LINK: Um so what about all the Rock Roast i've eaten?
MIPHA: Um
DARUK: Just uh, watch your back little guy. Lol. You may need that stuff surgically removed.
LINK: Surgically removed???? Dang it Daruk!
(Link kicked Daruk off the chat)
(Revali left the chat)
URBOSA: Daruk always was a strange one...
(Urbosa left the chat)
MIPHA: Link, now that they're all gone, I have a question
LINK: I ain't doing this today
(Link kicked Mipha off the chat)
(Link kicked Zelda off the chat)
(Link left the chat)
YOU ARE READING
BotW Champions Group Chat
FanfictionJoin the cast of Breath of the Wild/Age of Calamity as they fight each other, roast each other, make memes and references, discuss ships, and declare wars. (Extreme cringe warning) This was inspired by other breath of the wild Champion Group Chat st...
