(Link, Zelda, Revali, Urbosa, Daruk, and Mipha joined the chat)
REVALI: Damn it I can't believe I had to come back to life. Now that I'm alive, I've lost Link's respect.
LINK: I'll have you know that I really respect you Revali. truly.
URBOSA: We all do, Revali. But that doesn't change the fact that you are 90% salt
MIPHA: I for one think Revali is perfectly fine. Everyone has ego problems sometime.
REVALI: Thank you, milady
MIPHA: ....
(Robbie joined the chat)
ROBBIE: HELLO EVERYONE
DARUK: Hello Robbie
LINK: Hello Robbie
ZELDA: Hello Dr. Robbie
MIPHA: .....
URBOSA: Who are you again?
REVALI: Hello weird science man
ROBBIE: Guess what? The motion picture wasn't a fad! Television is a profitable industry once more!
LINK: Cool
ROBBIE: We all thought that the Great Calamity buried television forever. All of the video tapes in the royal ancient lab were destroyed when calamity ganon hit, but now that Calamity Ganon and Ganondorf and all those freaks are gone, we can make a profit again! And now that you all are back to life, you are ready and fit to star in a motion picture!
MIPHA: So.... we come back to life, and the first applicable use of our presence is to star in a movie?
LINK: Yeah, miph. That's how society works. Try to get with the times, y'know. You may be old but that doesn't mean you have to be stuck in the past.
MIPHA: Link, I have the body and mind of a 20 year old in hylian years.
LINK: Nevermind.
ROBBIE: Well what are you all waiting for? Let's get filming! Let me introduce you all to the director of Champions: The Movie, the one and only Beedle!
(Robbie left the chat)
LINK: Oh f*ck not that guy...
(Beedle joined the chat)
DARUK: You aren't the guy with the beedle-shaped backpack are you?
BEEDLE: Indeed, I am! But I learned something from my time as a shopkeeper. After spending 536,576 years as a shopkeeper, I decided I could use a change.
URBOSA: How old are you?
BEEDLE: Don't interrupt! Anyway, I realized if I have infinite rupees to buy Link's duplicated diamonds, why don't I put my money to good use and do something with my life!
DARUK: Can I pick the main music of the film? I think Daruk's Theme is an incredible tune that conveys so much emotion and would be really fitting, especially with the beautiful trailer version "Life in the Ruins". Truly incredible music!
BEEDLE: Heck no! Beedle's shop theme for life!
BEEDLE: All music on the Movie soundtrack will follow the general motif of the above track!
LINK: The hell is a wind waker?
(Unknown_chatter joined the chat)
MIPHA: ?
UNKNOWN_CHATTER: Link, we've been trying to reach you about your Zonai Car's extended warranty
LINK: Extended warranty? What's that?
DARUK: Is that like those tax things Yunobo keeps telling me about? I swear the government these days has gone crazy
REVALI: And how else do we pay for basic social needs, Daruk?
DARUK: What basic social needs? Like your secret stash of bomb arrows
(Revali left the chat)
UNKNOWN_CHATTER: Now give me your sheikah chat login- I mean your life!
LINK: Damn the Yiga travelers are so desperate that they've turned into online scammers?
YIGA_FOOTSOLDIER: What what the frick, why is there a ton of armed men surrounding me?
(Yiga_Footsoldier was disconnected)
BEEDLE: Well there's one annoyance out of the way. If you champions don't get back on track, you'll be next!
LINK: What's gotten into you Beedle?
ZELDA: It must be the infinite rupees, Link. As they say, money corrupts people.
LINK: So money is like malice? Whoa. Good thing we're all broke.
ZELDA: I suppose we are. Somehow despite being the sole heir to the sacred royal blood of Hyrule, I've been an unofficial princess with no authority for the past 7 years... And I am broke from buying Link's house.
LINK: You didn't buy my house! You legit showed up with the feds and kicked me out, then told me it was for a drug raid! I had to build a whole new house!
ZELDA: Well I thought we could live together! But then I had a vision of Mipha's ghost haunting me to the ends of the earth so I reconsidered.
LINK: Yeah right...
ZELDA: Anyway, Urbosa is too old and wise to be corrupted by money, because old people are never bad people. Revali is also broke, and Daruk is a goron so i don't even know what to say about that.
MIPHA: Uhhh I have a net worth of 500 million rupees.
LINK: You know, Mipha, that marriage thing might work out after all...
ZELDA: Link, Mipha is a multi-millionaire! That means she is the real enemy after all!
DARUK: Whoa whoa slow down there tiny princess! I just celebrated a great miphlink week earlier this month, so I ain't gonna let you lay a hand on her during this sacred time of year!
LINK: Wait Daruk are you a shipper?
DARUK: Well, Link, some folks are just weird and spend all their time getting way too obsessed with character pairings and shippings. It happens to the best of us.
URBOSA: Some fine wisdom there, Daruk. I can relate. Personally, I am a cult follower of the Zelda x Urbosa ship
DARUK: Damn.
BEEDLE: I swear... I should've had the deep state take you all out ten minutes ago... But, your arguments have provided excellent content for the upcoming Champions: The Movie!!!!!! I declare that this production shall be a romantic drama!
(Zelda left the chat)
(Urbosa left the chat)
(Daruk left the chat)
MIPHA: Oh Nayru please no don't let this happen. PLEASE!
LINK: What's romance again
MIPHA: Oh Link.... so innocent and sweet.... If only things could work out between us in at least one timeline....
LINK: A̶g̶e̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶C̶a̶l̶a̶m̶i̶t̶y̶
MIPHA: Why are you incredibly smart and intellectual half the time, but very silly and carefree other times?
LINK: Aren't we all?
(Link left the chat)
MIPHA: Link, I'll never understand you...
BEEDLE: This drama is great. What do you think, Kass?
KASS: Very good.
MIPHA: H-have you been here the whole time?
(Kass left the chat)
YOU ARE READING
BotW Champions Group Chat
FanfictionJoin the cast of Breath of the Wild/Age of Calamity as they fight each other, roast each other, make memes and references, discuss ships, and declare wars. (Extreme cringe warning) This was inspired by other breath of the wild Champion Group Chat st...
