(Link, Zelda, Mipha, Revali, Urbosa, and Daruk joined the chat)
DARUK: What up everyone? Just another day in hyrule right?
(AnonymousWeirdo joined the chat)
DARUK: Oh hell nah
ANONYMOUSWEIRDO: Frick i can't believe you all are still alive in spirit form... I would just revive you all but tbh i want you to suffer. Anyway, since you're still here, we might as well have some fun
ZELDA: Uh oh
ANONYMOUSWEIRDO: It is time we answer the age old question, the battle of the ages, Mipha or Zelda? Who will it be, hero?
LINK: I mean idk Mipha's kinda dead and stuff but she pretty good lookin for a fish
LINK: But like Zelda and I got our whole thing goin you know? We got that Silent Princess love or whatever.... But then again I technically accepted Mipha's engagement armor
REVALI: You're messed up, Link
DARUK: Link, I would advise you to choose your childhood friend whose been there for you since the beginning!
URBOSA: I mean, Zelda is a great girl, and she is the princess of hyrule right? Wisdom and courage go together perfectly.
ANONYMOUSWEIRDO: Or you could ditch both and take the Revalink route.
REVALI: The what now?
ANONYMOUSWEIRDO: Anyway, how about Mipha and Zelda defend themselves, eh? And fourth wall breaks are allowed if it really comes to that
MIPHA: Link, I've been your closest companion and childhood friend since you were 4 years old! I remember how cute you were when we first met, and how I healed you when you were reckless. But then you grew older way faster than I did and soon, we were the same age mentally, and that was when everything changed
REVALI: And that's when the predator struck, catching the poor prey off guard and snatching it up like a wolf catching a deer
ZELDA: Link, I know I used to yell at you a lot, but we moved past all that, and we became good friends and you even opened up to me about your darkest emotions and told me about your silence. You care about me and my safety more than anyone. We spent tons of time together and you defended me all the way to the end. Also, Mipha, you dead
URBOSA: Fair argument right there
MIPHA: F-first of all, I am still with Link as a spirit, second of all I am supposedly alive in that "Age of Calamity" timeline or whatever they call it... Also, from what I hear, Link... really displayed some emotion towards me there!
REVALI: Isn't that timeline where Link parried a f***ing chunk of castle just for Zelda
ZELDA: I, for one, was literally made for Link! Also, Mipha, the silent princess is proof of the eternal and timeless and destined love between Link and I. Our love transcends time itself and is 100% canon because of those Silent Princess flowers that were blooming in the distance as Link and I hugged after we beat Dark Beast Ganon!
DARUK: Dang. Miph gotta get her act together
MIPHA: First off, you weren't always nice to Link as I was, second off, same-species relationships are boring, and also you two being bound by destiny is just unfair. Let the other hundreds of Zeldas throughout the timeline have their hundreds of Links, but I want this Link. I mean, Link, do you really want to hook up with Zelda just because of destiny?
LINK: F*ck destiny
MIPHA: Exactly!
ZELDA: Link, do you remember that picture I gave you for your birthday that one time?
LINK: Oh crap, dang that changes things
ZELDA: Mipha, i apologize, but you are just an anime trope you know? The trope where the childhood friend gets left behind. Also Link, since we are both Hylian, we can very easily have children, and if we married you would even have a chance at becoming King of Hyrule one day!
ANONYMOUSWEIRDO: I mean the King of Hyrule does die in most games
URBOSA: Quit interrupting!
REVALI: Wait a sec i just realized, how the hell would Link and Mipha even have a relationship, like first of all she'll live for another 300 years or so and he'll be dead in like 70. And then how the f*ck do a hylian and an anthropomorphic fish have kids?
DARUK: Damn, he's right
MIPHA: U-uh, maybe Link could find the triforce and wish to live longer or something? O-Or Link could use that age rune Purah made to stay young forever? Sure worked well for Purah
REVALI: A little too well
MIPHA: And about the, uh, o-other question, I'll have you know that hylians and Zora are quite compatible in that, uh, department. Zora have plenty of mammalian features despite being aquatic and fish-like, as you can tell from looking at us. We have lungs, legs, arms, speech, fingers, and plenty more!
MIPHA: Additionally, in one instance in history, the Zora transformed into "Rito", and don't be fooled by the name, those Rito were literally just humans with beaks for noses and the ability to grow wings. If Zora can turn into pretty much humans I'm certain they can, uh, do other things! And also, there is evidence of Hylian-Zora hybrids existing in the past!
REVALI: Yeah, I think I saw one in a museum once
DARUK: Stfu ravioli
ZELDA: Well, from my research, I have found that I am backed by a far larger community than you are Mipha! You'll be burned to the ground if you don't back down off my man!
MIPHA: Quality over Quantity
URBOSA: Sa'oten! That was uncalled for.
DARUK: DAMNNNNNNNNNNNN
ANONYMOUSWEIRDO: Unhinged
(Revali kicked AnonymousWeirdo off the chat)
REVALI: You know what, Link, you asinine little man, I feel bad for you and your oblivious nature, so I will give you some advice
LINK: What? Who do I choose, man? And remember people gonna be real pissed either way. Got a whole frickin fandom out there to please
REVALI: It is time
DARUK: Time for what?
REVALI: Time for me to display my intellect with this ultimate Big-Brain momemt
URBOSA: Yeah right. More like Bird-Brain moment.
REVALI: Here is my proposal.
ZELDA: Ummm
MIPHA: Link....
REVALI: What if, Link chooses the third option?
LINK: Third option? What's that?
REVALI: Both
(Revali left the chat)
URBOSA: Slick
DARUK: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
ZELDA: I mean... It wouldn't bother me, what about you Mipha?
MIPHA: I guess not.... As long as Link and I can get married
LINK: Whoa whoa nobody said we're getting serious yet. Anyways, I guess that idea could work.
DARUK: Dang an actual solution?
URBOSA: Somehow I feel this won't last long...
(Zelda, Mipha, and Link left the chat)
DARUK: Was Revali the real ∞ IQ all along?
URBOSA: Perhaps. Only time can tell.
DARUK: Zelda's the sage of time right?
URBOSA: It's an expression, Daruk. Or do you only understand things involving rocks and rumbling?
(Urbosa left the chat)
DARUK: Gee, sorry
(Daruk left the chat)
YOU ARE READING
BotW Champions Group Chat
FanfictionJoin the cast of Breath of the Wild/Age of Calamity as they fight each other, roast each other, make memes and references, discuss ships, and declare wars. (Extreme cringe warning) This was inspired by other breath of the wild Champion Group Chat st...
