Dear diary,
So much happened today. I just finished talking to iehab over text, we talked about driving. I pray she does well. InshAllah she will. Think she's getting nervous but I'm telling her to not think negatively.
I'm in bed now, I just had a nap and I dreamt of my assignment results tomorrow and I'm low-key stressing about it. I know I shouldn't have napped but I was so tired. I am currently listening to Einaudi. I really like his piece Petricor.
So I slept quite late last night I just couldn't get myself to sleep. And I found a letter tucked away in my bed. My sister had wrote it. She said sometimes writing words is easier than saying it. She left it a few days ago but I only just found it last night. It made me cry a bit . Not in a bad way. I wasn't expecting it but I also agree that sometimes writing words is easier than saying it. Plus, paper is more patient than people.
I still couldn't sleep so i read a bit of a book on my phone to get my eyes tired.
Tash messaged me late last night just checking up on me cos we haven't talked for a week or so which was nice of her.
Harisa facetimed me early this morning about placement and I was honestly so sleepy. and she told me to bring a spoon in and I was so tired I didn't even question it. Turns out she had brought me this Pakistani sweet style rice in a tub that I absolutely love. I told her ages ago it's one of my fave Pakistani food and I haven't had it in literal years. She remembered and brought in a tub just for me. I cried when she gave it to me. I literally CRIED over rice. I shed actual real tears. Okay let's be clear, I didn't cry over rice, I cried over the thoughtful gesture. I am probably a bit more emotional as I'm due on soon but I genuinely thought that was so kind and thoughtful of her. It was so sweet and meant a lot to me. It was so tasty.
I think I'm due soon hence why I Cried. Wouldn't be surprised if I started tomorrow cos I always cry the day before my period starts.
I got a random call from a number and I excused myself and answered it, turns out it was my job. I got offered a job. A job I should have applied to but the woman kinda called me and gave me it. I didn't hear a lot of what was said ngl but I made out the gist of it and they want me. Alhamdulilah I'm so happy. But I'm not even entirely sure what job it's for 😭 I didn't hear properly .
Then we had a really aggressive patient. He was Harisa's patient but I was in the room too. Straight off the bat he was so hostile and wouldn't look at us . He was so agitated and honestly looked like he was gonna lose his shit any second. He sounded Welsh as well.
Harisa left the room to speak to our supervisor (we had a new supervisor today , a doctor)
So it was just me and him in the room and I noticed a Welsh twang so I tried to see where he's from, make small talk init. And he was like yeh he's been all over, lived down my ends, born and brought up in cphlly. He said he heard a Welsh accent on me and H.
Then he got REALLY agitated and his leg was like shaking and twitching and he's like I came out of prison two years ago and this gp doesn't give me my medication and he was swearing and yelling at me about how shit this gp is and he hates the doctors here. I backed up in my seat I was so scared I did NOT feel safe with just me and him in the room.
Then our supervisor walks in with H and he starts having a go at the supervisor and fully just walks out the consultation. Our supervisor made sure I was okay when I was left alone with him and said we are allowed to refuse to see patients.
I later googled the patients name and found his crimes on google. He's been racially aggressive and harassment and has been found with a knife and think he stabbed someone.
That was a little scary. Maybe that's why he didn't wanna look at us cos he was racist maybe. Idk. I just didn't feel safe at all.
I went on his record after, he's been in prison for sexual assault and attempted rape, this wasn't on google but was on his record on the system. That got to me.
My patients were lovely but ambiguous.
We had a different supervisor for the afternoon and she was nice. One patient said she hopes to see us working here in the future. She said it in front of my supervisor. I hope so one day inshAllah.
I finished reading the book "A thousand boy kisses", FINALLY. I brought it in with me.
I sobbed and sobbed over the ending. It had me in pieces. Broke me.
I need to remember who I've lent my books to cos I treat my books so well.
I've lent a book to iehab currently.
I've lent a book to harisa.
And I've lent a book to a girl I'm close to in uni called Kiran; "It starts with us".
I drove home and I swear my steering was acting up. I called my mum on the drive cos I was like idk what's happening to the car. It's fine and then it's not? It kept pulling to each side.
Iehab kept calling me on the drive home and there wasn't good signal so I called her when I got home to speak properly but we didn't talk long.
Then I fell asleep. It was a really nice nap tho apart from dreaming about tomorrow.
I am feeling really "spicy" again today. I'm craving snickers ice cream.
I really wanna watch the film oppenheimer coming out in the cinema soon
listening to divenire by Einaudi now. So peaceful.
