Dear diary
I think my left nostril ruptured and the blood came gushing out, it went all over my
Phone, it went on this white blanket😭 it went all over my hands, just like that night shift when A picked me up, and I felt SO faint and lightheaded after, my eyes kept going black.
I took codeine today, was in a lot of pain.
I had a warm shower, and I know I'm not meant to have warm showers but I feel it helped, but I feel a little ill again.
I'm definitely not going to placement tomorrow. My entire family said so as well lol.
Idk how long this is gonna go on for 😭
I'm in bed now
It's Harisa's birthday.
I don't know what to get her, I would have seen her today but I don't feel well. I feel terrible cos I normally buy gifts way in advance but I haven't thought about her bday not even my sisters bday which is next week I think, I always have gifts in advance but I've had so much on my mind.
——
So I wrote that yesterday
Dear diary,
I don't feel good. I just came home from pier with my cousin and mum.
So let me start the day. I'll paint the picture for you.
I told my sister to not sleep in my room last night (btw we played monopoly just like old times us cousins, I came third lol)
I didn't want her catching my cold and she's working. So she slept in my parents room. She also got Emotional when saying bye to us, it's the final few days of us being together and I didn't think I'd get upset but I'll definitely miss her, we argue but we had a long conversation last week at hers and we both spoke about things that have been bothering us and we both said we'd be more understanding. I don't want her to hurt or cry or miss us. It pains me to know her heart will be hurting. The goodbye in the Airport this weekend is gonna break me.
I was considering telling her about the tumour but I decided against it, I already regret telling the closest people in my life let alone my own sister. I will try to visit her as often as I can. If I don't have much time left. I'll try and work more shifts to save up money. My younger cousin used to say time is gold. It's a Persian saying. I guess the English would be time is of the essence or time is money.
I woke up and I obviously felt off but I feel way better. Had breakfast with them and they left around 10ish.
I called the gp for two diff appointments.
I called 72 times to be exact cos their phones were playing up. I should have just left it 😭😂 it kept saying call failed so I kept pressing the button for "call back"
Got two appt
Then things got a little Heated with dad
Took my cousin out to black rock. Tried to skip stones. I failed. I also tried to find my name I carved into the log, it's still there but so faded, we got a Costa too, I had a free drink to use on the app. Then went to retail park. I got my jeans from river island. Didn't like them at all. Also got us ice cream.
Took my cousin home. Then went to the gp. I left early cos I was expecting traffic but it was fine.
My cousin has got sarcastic humour but he says it at the right time but he's also so kind. I was telling him I feel pressured when I'm goin the speed limit but the car behind is tail gating me so I feel like I have to go faster but he was being so kind. He's always been like a big brother to me. He's ays's age, their birthdays are a month apart I think.
So I pretty much kinda have a tumour lol.
I was on call with A right before the appt but I got called in quite fast.
Got referred to the cancer clinic and ent clinic
My heart kinda dropped but I played it fine
I wish I didn't but I texted iehab and A as soon as I got out. I wish I didn't. Should have kept it to myself but I just felt so overwhelmed, I was feeling every thought I had to tell someone.
