Dear diary
I am not going to placement today, I have a doctors appointment. I didn't tell anyone, not harisa not Iehab not my family. I told harisa to tell placement I have an appointment.
It's about my symptoms and cancer. InshAllah it's nothing. I don't think it's cancer but learning and being in a medical degree, you kinda start to question stuff. I called the other week and had a phone consultation last week as I told them I had to be in placement . I've refrained from writing about it on here because I don't want to make it a big deal. But all my symptoms are kinda questionable and a little serious. I literally almost fell asleep behind the wheel the other day. Unintentional weight loss. I'm still getting nose bleeds from time to time. There was dried blood by my pillow on my bed sheet the other week. Think my mum saw it cos she changed my bedding. Low immune system. I literally had a bone infection the other month and was given strong pain killers and antibiotics. And it came back but it went alhamdulilah
Deep bruising. I know I probably bruise easily but lately it's worse.
I won't get into all the symptoms but there's a lot more.
This is why I can't be bothered with the stress and being confused with life. I have one life to live. To live with all my heart. Even if it isn't cancer , which I'm sure it's not, I just wanna be happy
My fave memory so far since exams have been done is the reservoirs. I was so happy and at peace that day and the Morrison donuts lol and also laughing my heart out with iehab
The only thing is the doctor didn't say straight away that it's not cancer and this is my second consultation . Could be anything honestly
My aunt had similar things and she ended up passing away from cancer at the age of 24. It was leukaemia. With leukaemia , one of the signs is anemia so you would need more tests.
Even if it is cancer I won't tell anyone lol but I'm telling you I don't think it is cancer inshAllah Positive vibes positive energy.
This is why I've been taking it easy with work and not pushing myself to work. Yes I need money but I brought it up with the doctor, she asked me if I am active and I said I try and be active but I haven't been pushing myself at gym cos I feel so faint lately and I did faint the other week. She told me to reduce it a lot and just go for walks instead not running or anything. So I need to just go for walks for the time being. It sucks cos I enjoy being active and running and swimming.
She said some of my symptoms need investigating and I've been to the doctors for it before. My parents actually thought I had cancer when I was younger hence why I wouldn't dare telling them about this. I've been hospitalised briefly we had to call the ambulance once too. I didn't go to school for a week.
A lot of questions were asked. She asked me a lot about my symptoms.
Stress was asked. I don't get stressed unless it's exams but I do think a lot about stuff. There's stuff on my mind. And hospital placement is weighing heavy I don't want to go to that hospital for second year. I can't tell you how bad I don't want to go there again. I think about other stuff too. Stuff I've already mentioned in this diary briefly that I cba to get into.
InshAllah when the blood test comes back it'll all be normaaaallll:) I'm not doing a blood test today cos I'm on my period so I have to wait until I finish to do it. I finish my period tomorrow. But blood test is booked for next week. I don't want to miss anymore placement days.
I just don't wanna worry anyone unnecessarily. It only affects me so I should be the only one to know and deal with on my own
I found myself counting down the months to Einaudi yesterday.
The girls are going for dinner this evening and they've invited me but I feel kinda weak. I kinda just want to rest. But I'll see
It's iehab and iqsa with their work friends as they're qualified now mashAllah so it's a celebratory meal and it's nice of them invite me . But they think I'm at placement today only harisa knows I'm not in but she doesn't know the reason.
