Dear diary,
It's bang on 1:00am right now.
It's been a long day. I've slept a lot. Slept in the car, although to be fair, I only managed to sleep during the last 40 mins of the drive. I couldn't get comfortable. Was so much traffic and accidents as well. When I got to my sisters, I fell asleep instantly. And slept a bit more in the morning too.
A called me this morning, how on earth does he shower with his actual phone IN THE SHOWER?? Like under the water stream. I was like okayyy mr millionaire who can just buy a new phone.
He made sure I had my medication today. Luckily I had my bag with me when I went to my cousins so my stuff was in there. I didn't do it in front of them tho obviously.
I don't feel well. I ate three chicken nuggets when I was at ays's. And then we went to my cousins and they decided to order fish and chips at like 10:45pm. I ate a few chips and had a tiny bit of fish but gave the rest to my cousins. They're brothers and they grew up with us in the uk they used to live here, they're our closest cousins. They're older than me and they'll eat my food if I touched it they helped raise me lol. So one of them ate the rest of my food. Even tho I slept a lot today I was still shattered. My eyes went quite pink and my cousins wife was like Heli are you okay? I was like yeh I'm just tired.
Can't believe how fast babies grow. She's so big now mashAllah.
Iehab called me on the drive home from my cousins to my sisters house. It's about a 45-60 min drive from each other. I stayed on the phone until she got home as well, we both got home at the same time.
Im starting to feel a little stressed out again.
Stuff to do with H and stuff. And other friends. I explained to iehab and she understood me but it's on my mind.
I haven't got back to any of the people that are currently stressing me out, I'll deal with it tomorrow.
My nose bled just now. It was the first one of the day today. I've got such a bad headache it feels like it's piercing my skull into my eye balls.
It's affecting my sleep now a bit more and I'm just so so tired.
I really didn't wanna come down to Luton this weekend. And they're coming down ours next weekend. And then I'm seeing my sister again the week after before she leaves. I thought she was leaving next weeekend. I know it sounds mean but it's just too much for me. I liked not having family in the uk now that I think about it😭😭😂 honestly that's my naked truth. (From It ends with us. Naked truth). But it sounds mean but it's true. I don't get why my mum couldn't just visit them this weekend and I stayed home.
Idk why but I don't really like visiting down here and I've fully openly said it to them too.
On the bright side, Dubai is booked for November finally. So I'm officially going to Dubai inshAllah. You know that song where it goes "habibiiii come to dubaiii" me and Iehab aways say it to each other lol. Well it's finally happening! It was on my bucket list alhamdulilah. Now I need to book Canada.
I paid for food today and last time we went out and it was a lot of money but I kinda just asked my mum for at least half of the money to be transferred because I work hard for my income and I love spoiling my family but if I'm to be paying pissing £14 every single day for placement and petrol money too, I need to start saving again. I can't afford to be working every single weekend too, I'm already overwhelmed and over stressed and over worked and fatigued as it is.
I think people's attitude towards me changed when they found out I have a job now, especially those who know how much I get paid and I wish I never told a soul. I think only iehab and A are the ones that have stayed the same. My family don't mean to, they genuinely just forget and honestly I offer to pay cos I'd do anything for my mum, she spent a lifetime raising me. But because I'm a student right now, and placement being a dick.
I'm really tempted to email my head of year and tell her what the fuck kind of piss take it is with placement this year. If they expect me to turn up every single day and pay £14 every day they're having a right laugh. Jog on mate. I'm a freaking student not a millionaire.
The other girls LIVE close by. One of them only has to walk ten mins to get there. Fuck me like. I'm actually annoyed.
My nose just bled a little again . Probably cos I'm a little stressed. I need to stop thinking about it.
My head feels so pressured if that even makes sense.
Remember how I said I don't like it when people jus talk about themselves. Selfish. I'm noticing that a lot lately in people.
Also iqsa finally reached out and was like are you pissed off? I was😂 but I cba to get into drama so I was like no wallah. And she's like no I know you heliya you stay silent or indirectly say stuff or change the topic .
I haven't replied cos I cba. She means well tho. I'm not annoyed with her anymore. I was that day I was so angry but I'm fine now. I'm angry with other people right now.
I wish me and A would have gone to Bicester village cos I'm the one that suggested it to go with him. But it is what it is I guess.
I'm thinking and writing about loads because i can't sleep cos I don't feel well.
Iehabs ex is also stalking my TikTok account and I sent the notification to her. My TikTok has no videos available to the public and my profile pic is a duck on a swing so he can do one lol.
Ahhhhhh
And breeeaaathhheeeee
Shit I forgot about the hospital appt😭😩 I still don't know if I wanna go to that.
It's cute that A checked up. I wish I could tell him how bad I'm feeling.
Also im almost positive im dying.
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I've had a little cry. Im still awake. I've spit up some blood. My head hurts. My eyes are burning. Im a little SOB. I can't tell anyone. I don't wanna seem like I'm begging for sympathy either.
