Dear diary
2:26am
I've wrote loads in a diary entry just now but I haven't published it yet. I don't know why, I just don't know if I want to share it yet. It's a lot.
I've just taken my tablet cos I feel like my head is going to explode. Need to do my skincare routine again cos I just washed my face cos of my nose bleed.
My vision is going blurry and I really don't feel well. I had a little cry again.
Today was a decent day. I told my sister about A.
I was happy today. We kinda just insulted each other back and forth all day lol. He also got me a black cherry candle which is one of my fave candle scents which was thoughtful of him. Annnnnd we are finally gonna go to London in September which will be nice 🩶 I think I really need a day out. I'm feeling really overwhelmed with everything.
I emailed my head of year today and told her how I find it ridiculous I have to pay £14 for parking every day for placement. Just makes me dread placement even more I'm mentally not prepared for it at all.
Spent some time with my baby cousin. Crazy how fast they grow mashAllah. She's so sweet and cute. I made her laugh a few times today.
I'm the type of person that keeps EVERYTHING to myself. My sister told me to let my defence walls down a bit and to open up. She said it isn't good. I like that they give me space (sometimes).
Like I said, I've wrote about it all in a diary I haven't uploaded yet. Maybe later.
I'm waiting to feel a bit better to go to sleep. I know if I lie down I'll feel a little nauseous.
I've had a little cry. I told A I was crying. I stopped crying. But then I had another cry not too long ago.
My headache is the main issue right now. And I'm honestly really tired but I know I won't be able to sleep. I've got a bit of a sore throat too.
I'm starting to hate the nasal spray and really don't want to take it anymore. I don't even think the naproxen does anything either. I still have a banging headache. I've had it for hours.
I hope I feel better tomorrow. We are meant to be leaving around 2pm tomorrow.
I can't explain how I feel right now.
I don't want to take medication.
I don't want to be overwhelmed.
I just want to be in pain.
I don't want to go to placement.
I don't want this one particular friend using me and two of my other close friends can see that she is.
Annnnnd breaaaatheeeee. I will go gym every day, I need an outlet. I'll start from Tuesday. I don't know how I feel with everything. I feel defeated today
Think I'm gonna try to sleep.
My nose has stopped bleeding. My head is pounding though. I feel a little SOB. I'm in a lot of pain right now, kinda all over. My nose feels "stiff"?
Now my throat is hurting. I've also still got the swollen lymph node and cant tell if that's because I'm coming down with something or if it's just cancer.
2:43am
Good night sweet world.
Also to anyone reading my diary, thank you for continuing to read my life.
