Hey diary and to anyone reading my life updates: (this is from ages ago I'm only just uploading)
It's been a while since I last wrote, about 4 days I think? I've wrote one day I just haven't uploaded yet, think it was Friday. It's currently Sunday 22nd October 2023 , 19:45pm. I'm actually in the bath. I rarely take my phone to the bath with me but I just felt like chilling and having a nice bubble bath, have the candle on too. Was debating bringing a book to read in the bath as I haven't been reading lately, I mean I have, but I've been doing uni reading, I've actually been on it with uni work lately. Doing some research and taking notes etc.
So a lot has kinda happened but I just haven't felt like writing or talking about it. Nothing crazy, just my life really, it's like one thing after another the last few months. I was just watching Netflix with my mum. My mum, that's another thing to talk about. I just don't really wanna talk about things right now.
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I've just come out the bath. I was gonna write it all in the bath but wanted time to myself. I cried in the bath.
I told my mum, I just randomly blurt it out when she was cooking. I said the entire thing with a smile (but with tears in my eyes) I must have looked like a psychopath cos she was like why are you smiling?😂😂😭😭 I just thought it's better to say these things with a smile lol. Idk how to go about it, don't forget it's my first time going through this as well, idk how to handle it either. It may not seem as serious if I say it with a smile and she also wouldn't have to worry about me if I act like I'm fine with it all. She didn't take it well...
She kinda hit herself twice I think. I was like mum no. This is why I didn't wanna tell you. She was upset I hadn't told her before. But she's now really on top of things only in the short duration I've told her... I didn't want to tell her or my family, I'd have much rather kept it to myself.
Do I need to start thinking about writing a will? I don't really have anything to my name 😂 worst case scenario? I die in my twenties, and I'll just be another name that once walked this earth. Even now as I'm writing this I'm thinking my cells are killing me and proliferating.
Tash & josh broke up early this morning, I got a text from her at 1am. She knew it was coming. She kept telling me she has things she wants to talk about but didn't want it to end in a break up or argument, but it did. I feel for her. She wanted to call me but she said she doesn't wanna cry and I was like tash, how many times have I cried to you over the phone? She said she'd much rather see me in person, she asked to come to mine on Wednesday night and I obviously said of course. She can even stay the night if she wants.
I sent her a good night text, she used to tell me Josh would send her one and I didn't want her falling asleep without a good night text after being used to getting one. I think I'm a loyal friend, I'd like to think I am, I'm actually really loyal, and I love my friends a lot. I always tell them. Tash has been there for me a lot, I never forget the things people do for me and honestly real friends never turn their back on you no matter how shit your life gets or how inconvenient it may be. That's your friend and you show up for them.
I feel for her, you should be able to feel like you can talk about things or bring things up without it leading to a massive thing, yeh arguments may happen; it's a difference of opinion but if you understand and compromise and be kind about it then it's fine.
Iqsa invited me out later today too and we were gonna go wingstop and I can't believe I said no to wingstop cos I've been craving it so bad, me and my sister were talking about it today lol and she loves it too. But I said no to the girls today as well. They said to do Friday instead and I could take the train directly to cdiff from placement to see them but I've been feeling so tired lately and it depends on how I feel closer to the date. I told them I'll let them know and in all honesty they were understanding. We could just do the weekend but Iehab is busy I think.
I struggled falling asleep last night I can't lie. I had WAY too much on my mind. I ended up opening Apple Music up and no, I didn't listen to songs or Einaudi to fall asleep, I listened to the Quran and wallah I felt at peace instantly. I fell asleep instantly. I put it on the lowest volume and it continued to play the entire night. I woke up a few times during the night and when I heard the Quran playing, I fell back asleep. It sucks that I've got too much on my mind but it is what it is.
I should probably sleep now as I've just brushed my teeth and got off call with A and I have to be up early and I'm genuinely tired but I do wanna write a little bit.
I did my laundry quite late today I completely forgot about it until iehab told me she has to do hers and I was like woops lol.
I was telling my sister I'm on gastro for the next two weeks and I'm not really looking forward to it and she said yeh not many people like gastro. Think it'll be dead but hopefully it isn't . I hope it's like vascular, I really enjoyed vascular.
I've fought the urge to nap ALL day, actually I think I briefly fell asleep when I was watching Netflix with my mum. My nose didn't bleed today tho which is good.
