Dear diary,
The day after I came home from A's, I wrote a few detailed diary chapters I just haven't uploaded yet. I'll upload it later. I also just realised I left the almond milk at his house last night cos I went to drink my soya milk this morning and its finished 😭
My eyes hurt so I can't really stay on my phone long to write a lot but if I continue to feel this way then my mum is gonna find out what's wrong with me because she wants to take me to the hospital. Todays not one of my good days, I'm not feeling good today. She told me off for not eating this morning. I just don't have the appetite especially in the morning, I can eat more in the evening I've noticed. She made porridge and I only wanted to eat half of it in the bowl she gave me and she was like you're wasting away you don't eat anything.
So I ate it all and I just had some salad and Persian food to keep her happy (I will always eat salad I love it especially Persian / Middle Eastern salad)
I've lost more weight. I'm so weak now, I couldn't even pick up that dumbbell thing A got me . I was tidying my room and tried to move it to get something underneath it and I couldn't. I was thinking bloody hell surely not. I don't even know how I used to lift that a few months ago cos it took all my energy to lift it the other day. Just now I tried to lift this thing we have in the house and I can't. I also have bruises all over my body and my joints are aching. Although I think that's partially from going swimming the other day so my muscles ache.
I've been waiting for the right time to tell my mum. I just haven't had the heart to. I almost told A last night. I have also been feeling a little hormonal lately I'm close to starting my period in a few days and I know my emotions are a little haywire right now so I wanna wait for the time time where I'm thinking properly.
I didn't end up going to placement. Not my fault.
I woke up early and got changed and was in my scrubs ready to go, but then I got a text from the placement lady saying it's best I come in on the 1st November instead as the organiser forgot to send me the induction details. They need to get it all sorted they're messing us about this year a bit I can't lie but I needed to stay home today to rest so it worked in my favour.
I'm gonna see if I can somehow make myself feel a little better
