In Review

White House Wipeout

While reflecting on our old "war stories"
A bunch of old stage musicians were swapping doozies
But I think about my story about a roadhouse in Reno Kansas might be the topper of the day

We three Country Lads set up early at the White House
Misleading name, by the way, but soon to be quite appropriate

Reno had three homes, two farms, some kind of a tool shop, 14 dogs, and the White House with its parking lot and a dumpster full of beer bottles and cans...
Also, most of the flies in Douglas County Kansas

As we were setting up, we noticed a birthday party table with birthday party decorations
It was all being arranged by the big, loud sister of the birthday girl
She was huge, loud, pushy, full of gossip, and much avoided

There is always one in every crowd, the bar tender said, she needs a lot of attention

Dance floor filled as we began to play
The two-step, slow songs and waltzes were favored
Old Chuck Berry songs also got them on the floor
The last set started with one of the requested songs for the evening
We started playing the Instrumental song by the "Safaris", "Wipeout"
Very fast, pretty wild, and crazy for country folks
The floor filled again

And here came the loudmouth sister dancing, spinning round and round and round in the middle of the dance floor
This was a small room, actually
Small stage, 12 by 20 dance floor right next to the bathroom doors, which read pointers for the men and setters for the women
Each door had a cute painting of a dog
In-between the two doors was a big framed picture of two dogs engaged in honeymoon activity
Oh, such a very classy place, the White House
What kitch decor

Getting back to the spinning pivot woman in the middle of the floor, I didn't mention before the fact that this loud sister brought her own mix to the party to the chagrin of the owner/bartender
A gallon on milk that she used to mix with straight scotch that she was ordering all night long
Sweet milk she called it, yuck
"Oh, I never get sick" she said repeatedly, "It's quite good"
Anyway, here she is spinning to the wild song Wipeout

A little voice in my head prepared me for what I most feared would happen
My partners were oblivious to what would inevitably occur
During my drum solo, the spinning milk monster opened her mouth, and a four-foot stream of sweet milk sprayed centrifugally on the dancers, the bassist and the guitar player
Heads up drummer ducked behind his drums

The music stopped
But she did not
Out of 50 people, she was the only one besides the owner and the band left in the building
She cleared the place out with what looked like a lawn sprinkler, but worse

"Well, fellas, I think we're done here, I'll get your money
I got some cleanin to do now, see ya next month"

So, I wiped my drums down with a wet towel
They tried to clean their stuff the best they could, but some of their stuff didn't clean easily
Add to that as well as the visual no one there will ever forget the whiteout White House Wipeout

We packed up
The guys were soaked and starting to smell
Fresh air didn't help a thing
That smell will have to travel with them for 30 miles going home from the White House
I drove my van separately with my drums, now laughing my ass off and clean, of course
I lit a cigarette, started drinking one of the free beers I had
And swore off my Cheerios breakfast cereal forever!

Sweet milk leaves a very sour memory for the guys and the White House owner, but not me
I still laugh when I think of it
Nothing will be the same for those folks now when they hear the words "White House", or hear the song "Wipeout", or that commercial on TV that starts "Got milk?"