Melanie Jayne Anderson

MJA: Invisibility

Sometimes in life, I feel like it's better to be invisible than to exist in the eyes of other people. People complicate things. People have consequences. People have needs. People have wants. People can break and they can break you. At one point in time, I was living life how I had always wanted to live my life. Everything was falling into place and I was happy. My happiness came with consequences. Consequences I am having a hard time facing. I know that I am not doing a very good job at dealing with the changes the consequences had brought me but here I am and here we are. 

We spent the morning out in the garden after breakfast. It was Christopher's day off. Victor and I set up a picnic outside and invited Jean to join us. 

Christopher: Daddy......are we going to the museum for my birthday?

Victor: We.....haven't actually.....erm..... (looks at Melanie)

MJ: I am in the middle of arranging a visit, actually. I'll confirm once we have it all set. (smiles)

Victor looks at Jean in hopes that he can provide some insights to a museum we can go to.

Jean: I am pretty sure there is a museum somewhere here. It's going to be quite a drive but I am sure Theodore can figure out a way to get us all there.......

MJ: I am pretty sure he can....... (looks at Jean)

Victor went off to play catch with Christopher while I sat with Jean.

MJ: He's not gonna make it easy for me, Jean. You know that. He only says that I can "do as I wish" but he doesn't really mean it that way.....

Jean: You haven't even ask him, have you?

MJ: I am so sick and tired of asking questions only to know what everyone's reply is.

Jean: You do know that we are all trying to protect you, don't you?

MJ: Protect me from what? Myself? Ya know what? Forget it. You're just gonna say "I am not at liberty to speak about it".

Jean: Melanie Jayne, those explosives we were dealing with were no ordinary explosives. We were dealing with a much bigger problem. You said it yourself. RC was bad news.

MJ: He is. Was. Whatever. I can't just move on like none of those things ever happened. I can't just wake up one morning to a new life, pretending that Mike never died. I don't have a home anymore. Victor was going to go back to stage. Christopher was going into a good school. We were working on it. We were on a path to somewhere. I don't know what all this is. I don't know these people. I don't even know where we are. I don't even want to know if Nicole is ever coming back here at all. (starts to cry) I hate it here, Jean. I hate it so much. I can't........I can't do this......

Jean hugged me and tried to console me. He knew everything I said was true. He also knew that he wasn't allowed to say anything more to me.

Jean: Look, we'll take it one step at a time. I'll arrange a museum outing for Christopher's birthday. You don't need to speak to anyone about it but me. In fact, you can just talk to me if you need anything. I only ask that you let Theodore do his job. Please.......

MJ: OK. I promise. (hugs Jean) Thanks, Jean.

Christopher wanted to take a nap so Victor took him up to his bedroom while I packed up our stuff. I decided to go to the gym and get some training done. I just needed to let out some anger and bottled up stress. 

I got changed and started working with the machine. I kept punching it and punching it and punching it. It was a one way workout but it was a form of warm up for me.