Supernatural Imagines

Sam Winchester Imagine~ Self Conscious

Requested by: carolina123spn

~I also want to say that whoever you are please don't be ashamed of yourself.  I'm a little bit on the chunky side and yeah I have had my days where I don't like the way I look.  And there are other days when I love my look.  I am working on losing weight, not for someone else, but for me.   So please don't hurt yourself over this subject.  If you want to change the way you look then do what you want to do for that, and if you don't want to change that you own it.  No matter what you are an amazing, beautiful person, and please be you.

~Earlier Seasons (Jo is alive)

I looked at Jo amazed by her beauty.  The way her blonde hair fell perfectly and her brown eyes showed no signs of fear.   I longed for the confidence that radiated off her.  I watched Sam and Dean talk to her so easily as I stood off to the side lines shyly.  I longed to be her.  She was confident, she was powerful....she was skinny.  While I fell under the "plus-size" category.

I wasn't the ideal size for women.  I wasn't completely overweight to where I wasn't useful.  I was just bigger than the majority of women.  I could still hunt, but I mainly did research.  I didn't want to hold back the guys even though they repeatedly told me I wasn't going to.

I stood back waiting to leave which seemed to be forever.  Don't think that I don't like Jo, I love her I just envy her and I don't want to be surrounded by people that I set my self to look like.  We were in the impala when the boys finally started talking to me. 

"(Y/N), is something wrong?" Sam turned around and questioned.  I looked up and shrugged my shoulders slightly before responding.

"N-Nothing." I mumbled back before turning away from him and back to my thoughts.  I longed for what Jo had, but I knew I would never achieve it.  It was a silent car ride until we got back to the bunker other than a few glances from Sam and Dean in the rear view mirror, which spoke louder than words.

I quietly walked into the bunker and headed straight for my room.   I had had thoughts like this before and when they happened I liked to keep to myself.  I would sometimes just skip a meal and explain to them that I wasn't hungry.

After about a half an hour I heard a knock on my door.  I wiped the tear that sat on my cheek and got up to open the door.  Behind it stood Sam.

"Oh, hey." I spoke before turning around and walking towards the bed.  He shut the door and followed in my direction.

"Dinners done.  Dean made you're favorite, burgers." Sam smiled brightly knowing that I loved Dean's burgers.

"I-I'm not really hungry." I mumbled before sitting down.

"Since when are you not hungry for Dean's burgers? Actually I haven't seen you eat much today." Sam  responded and sat down next to me.

"I guess it's just one of those days." I shrugged.  I didn't expect anyone to notice.  I wasn't starving myself it was just when I thought about this subject I had no effort to eat.

"(Y/N), what's wrong?  What's really going on?" He questioned me.  I looked away and wiped a tear that sat on my cheek.  

"Nothing, I'm f-" I began to speak but Sam cut me off.

"No you're not (Y/N), I know you." Sam softly placed his hand on my shoulder.

"I don't need it." I mumbled under my breath, but he heard me.

"What do you mean?" Sam brought his hand up and moved my face so that I was looking at him.

"You know what I mean Sam.  I don't need it.   Look at me Sam." I felt a few tears slip down my cheek as I spoke quickly.  Sam slid his hand across and wiped them off.

"You know what I see when I look at you?" Sam questioned me.

"A pig." I mumbled.

"No.' He stood up angrily and started pacing the room before walking back in front of me and kneeling down. "You don't see it do you.  You're beauty that radiates off of you or how much girls are jealous of you?" He grabbed my hand and pulled it towards him.

"That's not true Sam, you're just saying it." I mumbled.

"N-no."  His voice raised a little bit like he was angry. "(Y/N), you are absolutely beautiful, not because of your beauty on the outside, but because of your beauty on the inside.  It radiates off of you and I don't see how you don't see that."
"Sam-" I began to speak but was cut off by Sam slamming his lips against mine.  It took me a minute to realize what he was doing but I mimicked his actions right after I realized it.  He pulled back and looked up at me leaving me breathless.

"Please (Y/N), I love you. I've waited forever to say those words.  Don't treat yourself like this.  I love everything about you and god you're so perfect." Sam whispered while he rested his forehead on mine.

"I love you too Sam."

A/N~ Honestly I hate people so much sometimes.  But not the point, please let me know what you think and don't forget to request.

~Payton