inadequate ☠ afi + lrh • mgc/cth (boyxboy)

c.t.h

June 15, 2014, 7:50 p.m

"so you wanna go to the club?" Ashton asked and I shrugged.

"sure. why not?" I said, "text luke and Michael and see if they want to come," I said and he nodded, already pulling his phone out to ask them.

"i'll be right back," I said as I walked to the bathroom and used it.

before walking out I took a glance in the mirror, staring at myself. a long glance. I wonder how people saw me. like, do they think that I have a nice boy, or a nice face? hopefully they don't.

I sighed looking down at the scale, almost too scared to step on it. I haven't stepped on it in four days. I sighed, and took a deep breath before stepping on, and looking straight ahead, worried on what it might read.

201 llbs

I sighed shaking my head and stepping off the scale. still not good enough. just four days ago I weighed 207. i'm not losing enough weight. I need to lose more. I need to stop eating period.

if I do, i'll have to binge. I won't be able to help it. I sighed as I walked out and back to my room with Ashton.

"you alright?" he asked and I fake smiled and nodded. "you sure? you don't look so well," he said as I shrugged.

"just a little nauseous, nothing too bad. i'll be fine," I answered and he gave a small smile and nodded as I changed my shirt into a black shirt sleeve button up, and put on my black boots.

"so the boys coming?" I asked and he nodded.

"yeah, they're gonna meet us there. you driving?" he asked and I nodded grabbing the keys from downstairs and making our way out the door.

the drive was only fifteen minutes, if that, and we met the boys out at the front of the club. but Michael had a girl wit him. and not just any girl, but bobby.

"uh what is she doing here? she's only fifteen!" Ashton said.

"I know, but they don't even ID here. and she's not gonna drink. she's only here to hang out with us. she'll be fine, I promise," Michael said and she smiled and waved.

she did have a contagious smile, that was true. all of us said that we thought she was gorgeous. she's just young. plus, I thought she live back in Brisbane?

"okay, keep her safe, okay? I don't want her getting hurt. she's young," Ashton mumbled to Michael.

"yes, daddy," Michael said before we walked in. I held in my laughter from Michael and we all separated.

I headed to the bar.

"what could I get you?" the guy asked and I ordered a water. I can't drink. if I drink, sometimes I say things that o don't want others to know. and I was definitely scared I might end up eating later. so drinking was a no.

"water, huh?" a girl said, sitting beside of me.

she was quite the size. maybe 5'6, and weighed at least 200 pounds, possibly more. she seemed insecure with herself, but she wasn't the type to show it. all I wondered was how could someone let theirselves get that way? she was gorgeous. but I couldn't ever do that to myself. now I just sound judgements like dammit.

"shouldn't a guy like you order a beer or something?"

I smiled an shook my head, "tonight's not a good night to drink," I shrugged and she said thanks to the bartender for giving her a margarita.

"let me guess, either a; you're a heavy drinker and you can't drink tonight because you're the designated driver, or b; you're a perv when you're drunk," she said and I chuckled and shook my head.

"c; neither."

she frowned and took a sip of her drink, "then what is it? you can tell me. I can keep great secrets," she said and I smiled.

"that's it right there," I said and she looked confused.

"you tell secrets when your drunk?"

I nodded, "well, not everyone's secrets. just mine," I said and she nodded.

"well, I wouldn't mind hearing your secrets. when i'm drunk, I start getting vulnerable, especially with cute guys who look Asian, and then I start opening up, and then usually they always leave. so I understand not wanting to drink," she nodded turning forward and continued to sip on her drink.

I couldn't help but smile and shake my head, "maybe a few drinks with you wont be so bad," I smiled and he blushed and nodded.

I hope I don't regret this