inadequate ☠ afi + lrh • mgc/cth (boyxboy)

a.f.i

July 17, 2014, 3:57 a.m

i pulled away, not only feeling shocked myself, but it was written all over Luke's face. his lips were agaped, and he starred at me. why did I just do that? why did I just kiss luke?

my face was heated and I was started to feel sick to my stomach. I think that I liked it. I cleared my throat, grabbing my phone.
"we should go back down there," I said and he nodded shutting his mouth and we walked back downstairs cursing myself.

what the hell is going on with me? i'm not feeling affectionate towards my best friend. my best guy friend. i'm not gay, i'm straight, aren't I? of course I am, why am I questioning my own sexuality? I know what I like and I like girls. but then why did I like the kiss? why do I keep thinking about his lips against mine. he had such soft lips, very kissable lips. stop you can't think of luke like that. he is your best friend. you love Brittany.

"took you guys long enough," calum said as I glanced over at him seeing both him and michael cuddled up on the sofa. they seemed perfectly comfortable and fine.

if luke didn't have feelings for me it would be perfectly fine. I mean, it's brotherly love for all of us, and it doesn't make it awkward being so close to each other. it's what we're use too. is it really brotherly love between luke and I? I mean that kiss definitely wasn't...but in general. right?

"turn the light off before you lay down," michael muttered, as he pulled the blanket up on both him and calum, and cuddling more into him. he looked so cozy, and very cuddly.

I turned the light off before climbing in the bed, and scrolling through my phone. it was cold in here, and I was so thankful that I was actually wearing socks for a change. I didn't often wear socks, just because I never felt the need too. socks? they just take up more room in your shoe. it's pointless.

as I scrolled through tumblr I clicked on this vine, and began laughing, and trying to cover my mouth. luke leaned over trying to look but I hid my phone. instead of letting him see I clicked the link and sent it to luke in his message. I knew he was watching it because I could hear it, and he started dying laughing and I had to place my hand over his mouth. calum and michael were already asleep, and I didn't want to wake them. it was already past four in the morning.

"shh!" I giggled quietly placing my hand over his mouth and a finger over mine, indicating for him to keep quiet.

"that was funny," he said clicking his phone off and I nodded, sighing out loud before turning on my side, and facing him.

"i'm freezing," he said making me nod my head agreeing with him.

"me too," I said grabbing the blanket and covering my self up more. thank god for sweaters and blankets.

"cuddle?" luke asked with an innocent grin and I couldn't retrain myself from giggling and nodding as we scooted as close as possible, tangling our legs together and wrapping our arms around each other.

usually it would be me the one cuddling into luke, but this time we both simultaneously agreed to it. of course I wasn't minding it though. I loved cuddling. and I knew luke did too. we stayed quiet for a couple minutes. I had a feeling the same thing was going through both of our minds. the kiss. I still can't get over the fact that I kissed him. why would I do that? maybe I just wanted to see it would be like. it was...nice.

"you can't do that," he whispered not making eye contact with me. I sort of knew what he meant but then again, at the same time I was confused.

"what do you mean?"

he sighed shaking his head, "you can't use me as an experiment Ashton. i'm not that. I have feelings. you can't do that to me," he said as if he were reading my own mind.

"no luke, it wasn't like that," I tried telling him but he just nodded his head.

"no ash, it was. it's fine. it's over it. we can just forget it, just don't hurt me like that again...please," and with that he turned over on his other side, facing away from me. I shook him lightly, calling his name, but he said nothing.

"luke," I groaned giving him another shake before sitting up glaring at the boy beside of me, "luke I swear I will tickle you, don't test me," I said as he stayed quiet and then I pulled him to where he was laying on his back again and started tickling him.

fits of giggles escaped his mouth, and I laughed myself not being able to help it, seeing how adorable he was when he desperately tried shoving me away.

"uncle, uncle!" he laughed as I was sitting on top of him, with a leg on each side, and sighed after I stopped tickling him, and gave him time to catch his breathe.

"now," I began, "I wasn't trying to hurt you. you're not an experiment....maybe I liked it," I whispered scared that I was even saying what I was. he glanced up at me with hopeful eyes and shook his head.

"really?"

I bit my lip, and shrugged my shoulders. maybe I shouldn't be admitting it. but he just looked so beautiful underneath me, and I couldn't resist it. I leaned down, not thinking twice, and pressed my lips against his, and this time he didn't hesitate to kiss back.

his hands went to my waist, pulling my torso against his, and sticking his tongue in my mouth. all honesty, this was so much pleasurable and his lips made me crave him more. maybe even want me to try out new things i've never done before. but not that I could. but maybe I was willing to test my limits. I pressed my bottom half against his, and grinded, receiving a small moan from luke. pulling away from the kiss, I reconnects my lips to his jawline, leaving a trail of kisses down his neck, before sucking harshly on his neck.

his hands gripped my forearms tightly, as he tried his best not to whimper. I could feel him harden under me, causing my to smirk in response. without even thinking, my hand was trailing down his stomach down to his penguin pajama pajama pants. even looking extremely sexy, he still managed to be a dork. my finger tips slid in the waist band of his pants slowly as I could feel himself stiffen under my touch.

I stopped for a brief moment before continuing my hand further, but was stopped by luke grabbing my wrist and I pulled away from his neck, looking at him.

"n-not now," he said as I gave him a confused look on why not and his eyes landed on a sleeping calum and michael.

"they're asleep," I responded as he glanced back at me. I knew he wanted it. maybe I wanted it too. badly.

but without saying anything he shoved me off of him, and got on top of me, kissing me. I didn't hesitate to kiss back, loving the feeling of his lips. he pulled away, placing kisses all over my cheek, and down my neck, very slow, and sexually, making my boxers tighten against my body. I grabbed the duvet, holding in a quiet whimper as his lip connected with my ear.

"just for future reference... I top," he whispered before placing a soft kiss under my ear and rolling off of me. he then kisses my nose, before turning over on his side. he grabbed my hand, pulling me towards him, having me wrap my arms around him and cuddle into his body.

fuck you luke for giving me a hard on.