inadequate ☠ afi + lrh • mgc/cth (boyxboy)

a.f.i

August 10, 2014 12:07 a.m

Brittany's older brother picked her up from the party, although I said I'd take her home, but I don't care. I just want to piss and leave. After realizing luke lied about him and Calum. He said nothing's happened between them, but why'd they kiss tonight? I feel crushed.

Maybe it wasn't anything. Maybe they both just had too much to drink and it was an accident. Right? Luke couldn't possibly do that to me. He said he loves me, he wouldn't. After all we sort of are together, just secretly.

Opening the bathroom door, there was a guy in there masterbating, which I cringed at and quickly shut the door. Maybe there's a bathroom in the guest room.

I walked down the hall, and opened the door. Seeing two people on the bed shirtless, I wasn't expecting it to be luke and Calum. My heart sunk, as I watched luke push Calum's hand out of his boxers and luke call my name out. I just shook my head and walked away, quickly, trying to control the tears I felt.

"Ashton!" I hear him call out moments later, but I only moved quicker and try to get out and away from him as fast as I can.

Once I get to my car I don't hesitate to hurry home, and go inside. I rush up to my room, not being stopped since everyone was already asleep and went to my room, finally releasing all my tears. My phone rung twice but I ignored them both since it was luke.

Why did he make me fall for him? Just so he can hurt me? I was perfectly fine being friends, but no. And now look at the position i'm in and I can't do anything about it because I like him too much. Fuck!

I went to the bathroom, locking myself in and pulling my jeans down, seeing all of my past cuts. Some recent, and some a few weeks old. And now I added new ones, going deeper, wincing at the pain crying to myself.

A light knock was at the door making me stop as I tried to clear my throat the best I could before speaking, but knew if I spoke they could tell something was wrong.

"Ash?" My sisters light voice spoke softly calming me at the sound.

"Ashton...are you okay?" She asked and I took a deep breath and shook my head.

"No," I answered truthfully.

"Can I come in?" She asked. With that I pulled my pants up, ignoring the burning pain and opened the door.

She hugged me, and held me tightly, as I cried into her hair quietly. I'm glad Lauren came and checked up on me. She lets me know she care.

"I'm sorry you're so sad," she told me, and I pulled away, giving a small smile and shaking my head.

"I'm not sad, Lauren" I said forcing my smile, "i've just had a bad night," I told her and she nodded as I gave her a kiss on the forehead before we parted ways to our rooms.

After changing into sweats and a black sweater I laid down for almost half an hour, at least until my bedroom door opened and luke stood there. I wiped my puffy eyes and looked at him.

"How did you get in?" I asked angry that he just won't leave me alone.

"It was unlock."

I glanced down at my fingers, feeling awkward with him and thinking of what he did. My eyes filled with tears again as I gain enough courage to speak.

"Can you just please leave," I said as I couldn't even look at him right now. It just was too hard for me.

"Ashton please just let me explain myself," he said walking closer to me and I stood up shaking my head.

"No luke!" I said, but watching my voice level so I didn't wake anyone. "What's there to explain? Oh I was just kissing my best friend and allowing his hand into my underwear?! Sounds awful alike to us. What, you telling him you love him now too?" I said as tears fell from my lips.

"Ashton, fuck! No, i'm not, okay? I do love you—"

"Bullshit luke," I said cutting him off, "Do you even know what love is? You can't just make me fall for you and get feelings and just fuck me over like that," I said trying to control my crying in front of him. I can't let him know how badly he hurt me.

"Just listen to me," he said as I sat back on my bed and he came, sitting in front of me as I allowed him to explain.

"Don't get angry just listen," he said sighing, "It's happened before. A couple of days or so after you asked if Calum and I done anything I went over to talk to him, which was just a couple of days ago...and I don't know what happened, but he kissed me," he said as more tears fell from my eyes.

"I'm sorry okay? And today I told him to stop and he asked why and I couldn't just tell him about us, I didn't know what to do, and he was wasted and sad and I just didn't know what to do," he said and I wiped my tears as he grabbed my hands to hold them and I allowed it.

"Is that all that's happened between you two?" I asked, and he stayed quiet and just nodded his head.

"Yeah," he said but I wasn't sure if that was believable.

"Just that? And what I seen?" I asked trying to get him to confirm it for me and he nodded and I did too.

"Why did you guys kiss out in the open then?" I asked and he sighed.

"If I say then that's me telling part of Calum's secrets and I can't just betray him like that Ashton, you have to trust me on this," he said and I just felt hurt and I nodded not having anything else to say.

"Okay Ashton? I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you," he said stroking my cheek and I nodded.

"Yeah, it's okay," I said nodding, "I trust you."