inadequate ☠ afi + lrh • mgc/cth (boyxboy)

l.r.h

June 21, 2014, 10:30 a.m

when I woke up I got dressed without waking up Ashton, which I kept telling myself to stay with him. I know how Ashton gets. but then again, I already told Niall that I'd meet up with him today.

I side glancing at Ashton. I walked over, pulling the blanket over him more, and then continued walking out the house. I told mom I was going out with a friend, before she let me borrow her car and I began driving to meet up with Niall.

once I arrived at Panda Express, I pulled into a parking space and walked inside. Niall was already sitting at a table, looking frustrated as he was speaking to an Asian man.

"Niall, hey buddy," I said jogging over to him as he sighed shaking his head.

"no sir, it's Niall, not Neil!"

the Asian man placed hi hands on his waist, "no back sass, boy! I been saying Neil this whole time!" he said, with a thick Asian accent making me laugh and tap on the man.

"okay, yes sir. my friend, Neil, is sorry for 'back sassing' you," I said as we both sat down and the man mumbled in another language I hadn't known, and walked off after takin our drinks.

I laughed shaking my head, as I glanced over at Niall seeing him laugh and smile towards me.

"hey mate. the guy clearly is doing that on purpose," he said and I laughed shaking my head.

"don't know mate. he did have a thick accent. he might not have been able to say it."

he shrugged as we started talking. Niall and I have been good friends around three years. going on four in this September. we met two days after his birthday. our attention was diverted to Louis, as he took a seat and I smiled.

"Louis! I didn't know you was coming," I said leaning over and giving him a hug, from excitement making him chuckle.

"well I haven't seen you in almost a month and Niall said you guys were coming today so I decided to crash your lunch date," he smiled and I chuckled noddin my head.

we chatted for awhile, and also got our food. the food was good, and our conversations were better. I glanced over at Niall, seeing him speaking with his brother on the phone.

he sighed, hanging up, "i'm sorry, I have to leave luke. Greg is leaving or work and he can call off because he already took too many sick days, and he has no babysitter for theo," he said and I nodded understanding.

"no it's okay, nialler, just text me later," I said as he got up, hugging both Louis and I before leaving.

"so what's going on?" louis asked as we started eating our food. I gave him a confused look and shook my head.

"what do you mean?" I questioned as he chuckled.

"are you alright is what I mean? you seem kind of...antsy? something bothering you," he said.

I shook my head slowly, not speaking of what really was bothering me. I couldn't ever tell anyone what was bothering me. it just, I couldn't. it was bad.

"no. perfectly fine, lou," I said adding a shrug as he chuckled, shaking his head.

"luke, do you really think i'm that stupid? I mean look at me? i'm brilliant," he smirked confidently as I chuckled and nodded.

"oh, indeed."

we finished eating and I drove to the park, where we walked around for awhile, just chatting. he desperately tried to get me to tell him what's been on my mind. but I was scared to tell him in all honestly. after a couple of hours, Louis was driving back to his house in my moms car. yes I let him drive.

my hands were fidgeting in my lap, and my palms were sweaty. I was starting to convince my self to just tell him. not that i'm coming out. i'm just telling him what i've been thinking of.

i wiped the sweat off my forehead and cleared my throat as he pulled into his driveway.

"uh Louis," I mumbled as he hummed intestine waiting for me to speak up.

"can we talk," I asked, "like talk."

he turned the car off, and glanced at me and nodded, looking a bit worried.

"promise not to tell anyone, Louis. promise. please," I said begging and he nodded quickly.

"yes luke, I promise. what's wrong? you're alright, right?"

I nodded and took a deep breath.

"i'm only telling you because you a understand," I said and he nodded, "when you got with Harry, how did you know you were actually....like that. gay."

he shrugged, "well, i've always been like that. I've never dated girls much during school. yeah I'd flirt sometimes. but I was never interested in pursuing a relationship. but I don't know. I guess you get this feeling. it's all you think about. I felt like I wanted to do more. like when you were with them. when you hugged them, you want it to last longer. and when you hold their hand, even if it's just playful, you feel like you should do more. and you feel like often you just want them to yourself," he began.

"you start noticing things," he said sink in in the seat, talking like he was speaking about his passion. Harry was his passion, "you notice how their hair curls particularly in one area. and how when you smile at them, it's not because you want to, it's because you can't help it. they make your heart beat in a different way," he said and turned to me as I started in my lap now.

"luke...?"

I couldn't help it. tears rolled down my red cheeks. i don't exactly know why I started crying right here in the moment. maybe it's because I realized everything.

"luke, no don't cry," Louis said trying to comfort me. "what is it?"

I sniffled, trying to control my cryin but it was no help.

"i'm gay."