inadequate ☠ afi + lrh • mgc/cth (boyxboy)

a.f.i

july 16, 2014, 9:00 a.m

i couldn't sleep through the whole night, just like every other night. ever since luke confessed his feelings, and came out to me, he's all that i can think about. i haven't been able to think straight since then. i had no idea he feelings towards me, like that. and for some reason, i continued to chase him.

i've tried calling, texting, a lot. i've even gone to his house, but liz would always make me leave. i knew it wasn't her the one making me stay away, it was obviously luke. either way, i wasn't reaching him. i haven't told the boys about it, but i always ask them to text him for me. mostly michael.

i can see the look of pity every time he gives me his phone. he never says no either. michael is such a good friend. everyone should have a michael. and a calum. they're both such great people. luke too, mabe? i don't know.. maybe not. who would want to fall in love with their best friend? not me! him. he's the one who likes me.

i feel bad kind of. i couldn't imagine being in his position. if i was i really liked luke, and he wasn't gay. i'd probably be heart broken. kind of like brittany, and how she just left me. she called two hours ago, also. i was too scared to answer. but right now i seem to be missing her even more.

i pulled my phone off the charger, and dialed her phone number, that i memorized. it only rung three times before her angelic voice was spoken through the speaker. but this time it didn't make my stomach swirl like usual.

"ashton?" she said and sighed, "ashton you called."

i gave a sad smile, "i did, i've missed you, britt, i miss you. i miss you so much," i said getting tears in my eyes as she let out a small chuckle, but i could hear her voice and knew she was crying.

"i miss you too, ash," she said sniffling.

"why you do it?" i asked and she knew exactly what i was meaning.

"i don't know," she said after the longest pause. "i thought it would hurt less letting you go. i was wrong, but we're just too far. i can't do it. but it's so hard when i love you so much," she cried.

(((okay don't hate brittany because she's really sweet i promise; even tho we love lashton, am i right ladies???)))

i put my hand over my faces, crying into it and nodding to myself, so confused on how i was feeling right now, "britany...you're hurting me," i whispered.

"i'm sorry. i'm so sorry ashton," she said, "i should go, shouldn't i?"

i shook my head, still wanting to hear her voice, "no...stay with me."

"okay," she whispered as we sat on the phone just listening to silence for a little while. then i decided to sing to her. she always loved when i sung to her.

"i wish i was beside you," i spoke softly, missing her touch to my skin.

"me too, ash," she said. "i might be able to come back for the school year down there," she said and my eyes widen excitedly.

"what? are you serious? then why would you leave in the first place?" i asked as if it were stupid. and it was.

"it was my dad, it was his choice to leave a year early! i can't help it...but he said if i really don't like it here, he'll let me move back down with my mother to finish my senior year."

i smiled widely, "and if you do, then we can be together, right?"

"if you still want me within a month, than yes," she chuckled as i jumped out of bed.

"yes! yes i still want you, baby are you insane? i've always wanted you," i smiled as she chuckled and sighed.

"it's so good hearing your voice ash...i just want to be with you.." she said.

"me too," i said.

"well i need to get in the shower and get to bed. don't forget to wish luke a happy birthday from me, okay?" she said.

"of course, i love you," i said hoping she'd say it back.

"i love you," she said and i could practically hear her smile and i nodded before saying bye one last time and hung up.

well, seems like there's a fifty/fifty chance brittany and i are getting back together. i was so excited about it, then i thought of luke, and i started feeling bad. i groaned standing up, and getting dressed. why does luke have to like me? he can't like me. we're best friends. no way can he like me.

liz get's home at ten, so this means i'll be able to see luke, if he's even home. but if not, i just might be locked out the whole entire time. he wouldn't answer the door to me anyways. even if he was home.

I groaned. I should at least text him happy birthday. reguardless he never told me.

10:42 a.m

ashton: hey luke...you've been ignoring me but I still wanted to tell you happy birthday.
delivered

I sighed, realizing he's not going to text me back. I don't see why he won't. he begged me to talk to him, and now he won't even talk to me. what the hell? how do I always manage to mess up things? would this even be considered my fault?

i'm done playing these games. there's no way I could go through this stress. i'm tired of feeling hurt all the time. and i'm tired of crying. and i'm so done with all this bullshit. I can't do it anymore.

thinking of all this, I almost didn't realize my phone was ringing in my palms and I quickly answered it.

"hello?"

"hey Ashton," my dad said.

"hey dad, what are you doing?"

"nothing, and I hope you don't have and for today. do you?" he said as I didn't exactly know how to answer. I wasn't exactly she what I was doing today. "max keeps asking about you. maybe you guys could go out today?"

I smiled, "yeah sure, I'd love too. care if I pick her up by noon?"

ADMIRE HOW HOT THEY LOOK IN THE GIF ABOVE OKAY BYE