inadequate ☠ afi + lrh • mgc/cth (boyxboy)

c.t.h

August 9, 2014, 11:56 p.m

Luke, that fucking asshole. Left me to walk myself home. I'm not even in a healthy enough state to walk myself home, but here I am.

As I was walking I found myself going the wrong way. I then found myself sneaking around to the side of my girlfriends bedroom window. I gently knocked and waited. I had to knock three times before she actually answered and opened the window.

"Calum?" She asked sleepily, "what are you doing here?"

I shrugged honestly not sure why I walked here, "I just missed you," the words slipped without me thinking about it.

She smiled and shook her head and nodded for me to come in. I crawled through the window and we crawled in bed together. Her room smelt nice like pumpkins and her blankets were warm, and so was she.

"Are you drunk cal?" She asked as I let a chuckle fall from my lips and proceeded to nod.

"Why yes, yes I am," I joked as she rolled her eyes and rolled over as I pouted and cuddled into her

"I'm sorry. I didn't know that would make you angry," I admitted feeling guilty.

"I'm not angry, i'm just sad," she said and guilt pained my chest as I sat up a bit, trying to look at her face as she was still turned the other way.

"Why are you sad?"

She sighed and shrugged. I gave her time before she actually said anything, "I don't know, I guess I just thought you came over because you actually wanted to see me and I couldn't leave your mind. In reality it's just cause there was nothing on your mind and you wasn't thinking," she said and everything i've done to her made me feel bad. I'm a huge dick.

What am I doing? I don't like boys. I like girls and I like Rosie. I think I actually love her. So why am I using luke and Lily? I shouldn't be doing that. I have Rosie. I can't lose her and I just realized that.

"That is not true. I've just been having a hard time lately and I know i've pushed you away and haven't talked to you much and i'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry, I don't mean to get sad it just happens, and that's not a reason to ignore you and i'm sorry. I care for you and really really adore you and crave you. You're my little Rosie," I said as she turned over smiling at me and I leaned in giving her a kiss.

"You make me feel something, rosebud, I don't know what it is, but you do," I said and she said nothing else, but cuddled into my side, and hugging my side.

What am I becoming with myself? I can't believe all that i've done to her. It's not right. I can't stop thinking about it. If she ever found out it could ruin what I have with her. And i've never this way about anyone or anything. I can't lose my light. I have to tell her.

"Rosie," I said quietly. She didn't respond and I noticed her breathing was slower and she was asleep.

I sighed, shutting my eyes and thinking no more.

Sorrrrry this was so short. I just have a bit of writers block.