inadequate ☠ afi + lrh • mgc/cth (boyxboy)

c.t.h

August 14, 2014 4:34 p.m

I haven't eaten in a few days. I'm beginning to feel sick again. I think i'm going back to my old ways. I just don't like who i've been and i'm shutting everyone off. I can't keep hurting the people I care about.

As I laid in bed with my stomach growling, there was a knock at my door but I just ignored it. They knocked again but I stayed silent. Then the door knob wiggled and I knew it was lock so they wasn't getting in. Or at least I thought until the door open.

Michael stood there, a bag of subway in one hand and a card in his other, as I realized he had slid his card through the door unlocking it. I sat up as he shut my door and walked over to my bed, taking a seat.

"I brought you food," he said.

I shrugged my shoulders up and shook my head, "i'm not really hungry," I told him as his eyes finally met mine.

"Calum your mom said you haven't walked down the stairs in four days," he said handing me my foot long. Sandwich. The sandwich.

"Michael, Im really not—"

"Calum please? You scare me sometimes. Just please," he said practically begging and seeing how sad he looked I shouldn't feel bad for him but I did and took it. It smelled so good. I wanted it. I really did. But I just don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I could physically force myself to eat it.

"What are you doing here," I asked in a low voice surprised that I didn't tell him to get the fuck out when he first walked in. I probably would have honestly if I didn't feel so weak and didn't have any energy too.

"I want to talk," he said starting at me.

"Well I don't want to," I said as he sighed.

"Fine. Don't talk, but i'm going too. So listen," he said.

He pondered on what to say for awhile. He walked in as if he had rehearsed what he was going to say but now he's complete blank and I don't know whether or not to say anything. So I just waited patiently.

"I was drunk when I said what I did. Not that it was an excuse. I was just sad and I guess I just wanted someone else to feel my pain too," he said sighing and hiding his face into his palms.

"I do feel pain too," I said as if it wasn't obvious. "I just don understand. I always tried to make sure you were never alone and happy," I told him.

"I know," he said cracking his voice unintentionally. "I'm sorry for that. I shouldn't of done that. I know. I knew the state you were in and now you're going back to it and i'm sorry," he apologized.

I just nodded my head, "thanks Mikey. I forgive you," I said and he nodded.

"My father passed," he said and I sat shocked not knowing what to say as he continued, "A couple weeks back. That's why I had been so distant. I just was trying not to be sad around you guys and I tried my best to hold myself up, but I couldn't. So I just wanted to distant myself. So I did," he shrugged and I frowned and pulled him into a hug.

"I'm sorry for everything," he apologized as I just continued to hug him, not knowing how long it was until we pulled away.

"I'm sorry for kissing you too. I don't know why I did that, or why we did. I like us best friends, and I hope I didn't ruin your relationship with Rosie," he said and I shook my head.

"No, if anything I did. All I have been doing is fucking everything up," I said as he shook his head.

"I doubt that Calum."

I shook my head, "No, Michael. I'm serious. I can't tell you all, but I can tell you most," I said and he nodded ready to listen as we sat on my bed eating subway as I explained everything to him that's happened. Besides Luke, although I was waiting for him to bring up the kissing.

"Did you tell Rosie you had sex with her?" and I shook my head.

"No i'm scared too. But I haven't talked to her since that night I did. But I went to Rosie's and stayed with her and almost told her but she fell asleep," I said and he nodded.

"Don't wait too long to tell her," he said and I nodded knowing that.

"What about you and Luke? I uh...saw you guys kiss," he said and I sighed.

"Yeah that's all we did. I was drunk and I thought it would make you mad honestly. So I kissed him. He wasn't mad about it or anything though," I said covering for Luke too. Michael doesn't know he's gay and I wasn't going to be the one to tell him.

"Oh. I was wondering," he shrugged.