inadequate ☠ afi + lrh • mgc/cth (boyxboy)

l.r.h

June 16, 2014, 3:28 a.m

my palms were sweaty and the feeling that i've had for awhile haven't left my stomach, and i'm starting to get annoyed with it.

i'm not sure why Ashton has me feeling this way, but maybe it's only because we don't do this and I find it weird, considering we're both guys cuddling.

"i'll always have you, right?"

I opened my eyes, meeting with his green ones and swallowed hard, not knowing how he meant it. but I just went with the easiest answer, that was obviously true.

"yeah. always," I said and he smiled before shutting his eyes, and cuddling into me more.

I laid there, for who knows how long, but I couldn't sleep. I was scared. not of the dark, or anything like that.

but I was scared of my thoughts. I wasn't even able to process my thought, because I kept pushing it back. I couldn't do it, thinking it made me scared, but it was normal to think things like...my thoughts, rift?

"I miss my dad," he whispered to me, with sleep in his voice and I stopped breathing. everything in me stopped.

"what?" I questioned, but he said said nothing more, falling asleep.

I frowned, feeling so terrible for him. I knew how much he cares or his dad, the one who walked out on him. he always told me when we were younger he would come back he just knows it. I still think he waits for it.

I grabbed him, cuddling into him. if mom would see she'd wonder why we were so close. possibly even ask if I were gay which would be awkward.

but then again she just might not look at it that way. she thinks i'm straight anyways. well she knows. I am straight. yeah of course i'm straight.

"did you fall asleep?" I asked not really know i'm exactly why I had. it was obvious that he had.

the thoughts wouldn't leave my mind. and I became getting nervous. I tried shoving it away but i couldn't stop thinking of it.

i think i'm gay.