inadequate ☠ afi + lrh • mgc/cth (boyxboy)

a.f.i

July 29, 2015 8:19 pm

"I can't believe you're back," I smiled at Brittany as she returned it and nodded giving me another hug.

out of all the days i've spent with Brittany in the past two years almost, I would think this one would just make me so much happier than what i've been lately, but it hasn't. I should be happy she's here, right? then why don't I feel like it? and maybe this might sound weird, but i'm excited for her to leave my house. I don't think she's staying, so hopefully she doesn't. i'm planning on going over to Luke's house to talk. which probably won't go as planned at all. they never do. last time I tried to talk to him about what happened and he was taking it the wrong way, so i'm going to explain myself this time. and he's going to listen whether he wants to or not because I say so.

"alright well i'm heading to Luke's so i'll text you tonight okay?" I said and she pouted and I smiled unintentionally and leaned in, giving her a kiss to make up for it.

"well fine. you rather hang out with luke than me, even though I just got back," she said trying to convince me to stay but I just shrugged.

"I said I'd text you. i'll call you too," I added as she sighed and nodded before giving me another kiss and hug.

I drove her home before driving to Luke's house. when I got there, no one was parked in the driveway or garage. and all the lights were off in his house, with only the living room tv on. I smiled a bit, knowing that the odds of it being luke was an eight out of ten. I walked up on the porch and looked through the window that had the blinds drawn and I saw luke sitting slouched on the couch.

he was shirtless, in Nike sweats, and he was actually wearing socks. he looked good. and cozy. and cuddly. I smiled to myself before tapping my index finger on the window causing his attention to be taken away from the tv and to me. he sat up looking slightly nervous, but finally got up walking over to the door. thank goodness he didn't take too much time because it was dark out. and scary.

"ash," he asked sighing almost, "what's up," he asked casually.

I couldn't resist to smile at him, "i'm going to stay the night," I announce without asking and he shrugged before moving to the side and letting me walk in.

"it's already past eight. should have came over earlier. teenage mutants was on. the 90s version," he answered and I nodded agreeing.

"I should of," I said really meaning it. and not for the teenage mutants either.

he turned the tv off and we walked upstairs to his room and he laid on his bed, on his phone. probably on Twitter or a game.

"stop acting casual and pretending that you're not hurt right now," I said while I stood standing as I glanced up. he turned his phone off sighing, before sitting up.

"alright do you want me to be mad at you? and act awkward? or how about we just talk like best friends again like we use to? it'd be a lot easier on the both of us," he said.

"how about this," I corrected, "i'm going to talk and you're going to listen. and don't take it the wrong way like last time, because that made it go on a completely different track and made you cry, and I didn't want that."

"you left Ashton. why'd you leave then if you didn't want me to cry?" he asked

"because you told me to! and I wasn't exactly sure what to do. I just felt crazy and it lead the wrong way and I always end up messing something up, I just had to leave," I admitted and sighed, "but I realized that's not what I do. I stay. and I talk to you, and I make you stop crying. I won't leave again," I told him and he just nodded slowly.

"alright," he said with his voice soft.

"luke," i said softly, "i'm confusing and i'm unsure of many things, but i'm not unsure about you. I like you. I really do. and I don't mean like my best friend, I mean I actually have feelings for you. and I know that I pretended to not too at one point, but I just had to, alright? the way i've felt and been feeling I just couldn't add more to that."

I watched as I spoke, he stared at me in aw. certain points his cheeks would crimson, but it was cute.

"but now you know I like you, and I don't want it awkward between us. I like the way we use to act around each other. just I guess now there's feeling that are actually known," I said and he just broke out into a smile with a chuckle and nodded.

"okay, I think we can manage this," he nodded and I smiled and sighed of relief.

"good," I said, "but you know that Brittany is back right?" I asked slowly and his smile fades and he nodded.

"yeah..I know," he said not pleased, "so what's like happening? you guys a thing? or not? I just don't want to expect anything or do anything," he said and I shrugged.

"yeah I guess we are," I shrugged not feeling the completeness I use to feel speaking of Brittany and I. and I didn't like the feeling it was giving me.

"oh..." he said before nodding and I sighed crossing my arms.

"luke please don't act like that, okay? I don't want any tension between us, or for us to be upset. I miss us," I said and after pondering what I said, he sighed and nodded.

"you're right."