inadequate ☠ afi + lrh • mgc/cth (boyxboy)

a.f.i

July 20, 2014 5:00 p.m

I was currently in my house, downstairs with Harry. he was about to leave to go to a friends house, and that meant I was going to be at the house alone, since mom was at work my sister was at our grandpas. I groaned, laying back into the couch, and cuddling into the pillow.

luke: hey, what's up
read 5:08

Ashton: bored at the house...wbu
read 5:09

luke: same...wanna hang? you can come over
read 5:11

Ashton: yeah sure, i'll be over shortly
5:11

once I changed into a pair of black jeans, and my tmnt tee shirt, I put on my black converse and grabbed my keys. I smiled to myself, thinking about how I wouldn't have to ride my push bike to get me somewhere. it was a nice feeling. not that I was lazy, I like to work out, and enjoyed. often I did, but sometimes I just wouldn't have the energy.

as I drove to Luke's house, I was really nervous. we talk regular now, and put what happened about us ignoring and fighting with each other in the past. it's normal between us, other than what happened a couple nights ago... which we still haven't discussed and I was wondering if we ever would. I personally didn't want too, because the thought of it made me want to rip my hair out. it was just so different and I was scared. i'm not embarrassed about it, although he seem to be embarrassed with the fact he was gay. I mean, he tried to push me away because he doesn't want anyone finding out, and wanting me to know. nor did he want to like me. I guess I understand why he did it.

it just would have been really nice if he handled it differently. he could have been mature about it, and even handled it to where I didn't even know he was gay or had feelings for me. but honestly, being honest with myself, I think I might have liked luke for awhile now... it just makes sense. it's why I was so torn apart by him not wanting to hang out, and how I got jealous with him hanging out with Niall instead of me. maybe not though, but I feel like I know it's the real truth, but I don't think I would ever admit that to anyone. not even luke. not that i'm embarrassed. there is nothing wrong with what I like.

but it will be wrong if I did like luke. because what if we did the things we did in the garage again and something happens? then we're just not going to be friends anymore? is that how it would work? I don't want to lose my best friend. but then again, i still love Brittany. i might always love her. but if I truly loved her, would I have these feelings towards luke? maybe they're not even real feelings towards him. they're probably just curious thoughts. but I would never want to take advantage of luke, and use him. this was all just so confusing. this is why I normally talked about things. then I could make my mind up a whole lot easier for myself.

I finally pulled up to Luke's house, and noticed his parents cars wasn't there. his dad probably was home, his car was in the garage probably. that's where he always parks it unless he's not home.

without knocking, I willingly opened the door, and headed upstairs to Luke's room. it was normal to not knock with luke. or any of the boys for that matter. we all basically grew up with each other and we were always going in and out of someone's house. I pushed Luke's door opened and smiled, giving a shy wave as he laid on his bed, on his phone. he smiled, sitting up.

"hey ash," he said, "wanna play a video game with me? it's not as fun without someone else to brag to when I win," he smiled as I chuckled and nodded.

"as long as I pick the game," I agreed as I turned his wii system on, knowing that Mario kart was already in the system. let's just say I know luke very well. we set the game up, and began playing.