inadequate ☠ afi + lrh • mgc/cth (boyxboy)

l.r.h

June 20, 2014, 10:00 a.m

"hey, I know you probably don't want to eat, but the doctors said you had too," I said setting the McDonald's bag down beside of him, "I got your favorite though."

he smiled weakly and nodded his head, "yeah, I should probably eat, shouldn't I?"

I nodded taking a seat beside him, glancing over at michael seeing him and Ashton were both asleep on the couch.

"how are you," I said lowly glancing back at him, "honestly, calum."

he shrugged opening the bag, "I don't know. I just, I hate myself for doing this to everyone. making everyone worried ya know? and the fact you guys had to find out this way...it's so embarrassing."

I nodded my head for understanding, "I know it doesn't mean anything to you, but between me and you, I thought you've always been good looking, cal. and I mean it. like really," I said and his cheeks actually got color in them and he glanced down.

"thanks luke. I wish I was you," he said and I gave him a confused look.

"like me? why?"

he looked at me like I was crazy, "because you're basically perfect," he said and I went to stop him but he just continued speaking, "you have a perfect family, cool friends, speaking of myself," he joked, "but really. you're good looking too and you have no problems. you don't deal with any baggage or shit," he said.

I frowned standing up clearing my throat and wiping my palms on my jeans and shook my head, "you know calum," I began, "just because it looks like-" I stopped.

it's not worth it. no matter what everyone is going to think that i'm perfect. regardless that i'm not. and he's also not in the best position to receive lecture about it.

I shook my head and gave a small chuckle, "i'm going to the restroom, then i'm heading out to hang out with Niall, do you need anything?" I asked and he shook his head.

"you okay luke?"

I nodded, "yeah. shouldn't you be asking yourself that? not me. if you need anything just call me and i'll come. i'll swing by later when the boys leave, alright?"

he nodded and I gave him a long hug, feeling almost guilty for leaving, but he was required to take a nap anyways.

then I glanced over at Ashton, seeing he was still asleep, and then walked out of the room and down to the elevator.

I never liked hospitals. the smell made my stomach swirl. they always made me so nervous. not exactly sure, but it's just how I'd always been. i'm scared of te doctors and their tools and just the way they look. i'm terrified of everything in here.

people are dying, people died, and so many are hurt and sick. it's just morgue basically and I didn't like it.

once I got outside I got out to my car and sat there for a little while thinking. thinking of calum. thinking of why he did it. why'd he would we think he wasn't perfect enough to starve himself. I shook my head not wanting to cry. if I was a better best friend, he might not be in the hospital currently.

I shook my head. I want him to be happy and not get like this. maybe he just needs some attention.

I turned my car on, and started making my way to nialls house. I started planing on what to get calum, when I go back so I can at least make him feel like he isn't being a burden to anyone.

"hey mate, how's calum?" he asked as I walked in and sighed, sitting in his couch chair, and putting my SnapBack over my face.

"okay, I guess. he feels like he's ruining everyone, like being a burden or something? he's just really embarrassed," I said.

"yeah I'd be too. that's kind of scary. he could have died, you know?" he said like I hadn't already knew that he could have died.

"yeah, Niall, I know," I said removing my hat from my face and to my lap.

"I'm going back later if you want to go see him. it might make him feel good," I said and he nodded.

"yeah, I'd like that. I haven't seen him in a bit," he said and I nodded.

"i'm stopping at the store, getting some balloons, and a stuffed animals. kind of girly, but it's a kola bear I seen at the shop in the hospital," I said smiling. he loves kola bears, "and a card," I added and he nodded.

"yeah I have a couple dollars, i'll get him something too," he said and I nodded my head.

-

I walked into to calum's hospital room. he had to stay over night, just to make sure he's okay. he smiled brightly and started laughing once Niall and I walked in, holding a dozen of balloons, and three stuffed animals, and two 'get well soon' cards. the blond were on sale.

"thought that it would make you happy," I smiled as he nodded.

"yes, I love this. thanks guys," he said and glanced at the stuffed animals, "you got a giraffe and a Koala bear?" he said excitedly as we handed over the stuffed animals to him and nodded as he cuddled them, making me laugh.

"I thought you'd like it," I said and glance over seeing Ashton sitting on the sofa, staring at Niall and I.

i stayed staring for a few seconds before looking away, and back to calum and gave a small grin and took a seat in the chair.

Niall walked over to us, "i'm sitting on your lap," he said as he sat down making me laugh, and I wrapped my arms around him and sitting my head against his arm as him and Niall began chatting.

I wasn't deliberately trying to ignore Ashton. actually, that's a lie, i was deliberately ignoring ashton. but it's only so I can not have a crush on my best friend. it's just a small crush. i'm a little proud that I can admit it with myself.

but it makes me feel weird that I have the slightest bit of feeling towards a dude. I mean it's normal and all, but it's still weird for me. but i'm starting to realize i've always been like this.

when I was younger, I knew that I felt this way, but I'd always put it in the back of my mind. I never really dated girls that much, and it's not because they didn't want to date me. I just didn't like it.

"did they say when you're getting released yet?" I questioned and he nodded his head.

"yeah I can leave tomorrow at noon. they also recommended me for a support group, but I don't think i'm going to go to it," he said and I frowned.

"cmon man, you might need it, you know. you never know you're going to get bad again or not," Niall encouraged and I nodded agreeing.

"I don't think I can though. no way I can go alone," he said.

"i'll go with you," I said and he seemed to get happy as his eyes brightened up, and he glanced at me hopeful.

"really?"

I nodded my head and smile, "of course I will. you're one of my best friends calum. I'd do anything for you. especially if it will help you," I smiled and he thanked me.

we chatted for a little while longer until a girl walked in. she was a bigger girl, but she seemed nice. she blushed seeing everyone turn her way, and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ears. I glanced at calum seeing him smile at her and blush deeply.

"okay, we'll leave you guys alone to chat, we've hogged the room most of the day anyways," I smiled hugging calum.

"i'll see you later, dude," I said walking out with niall, "call or text if you need anything or if anything changes," I smiled and he nodded as we waved goodbye and Niall and I walked out.

I wish I would have said goodbye to Ashton. but I needed to advoid him. at least until I stopped feeling this way.