inadequate ☠ afi + lrh • mgc/cth (boyxboy)

l.r.h

June 21, 2014, 6:00 p.m

I stayed sitting, slummed into the sofa, as Niall and I continued to play Fifa downstairs. he cheered as he won, again.

"cmon dude, where's your game, gone? you hardly ever let me win," he said as I shrugged.

I can't believe I just did that to Ashton. but I really couldn't believe I actually let him run off, and I didn't chase after him. not sure why, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

and it scared me. I know how Ashton is. and I know simple things can trigger him. but what I did, I know it had to trigger him. but he promised me he'd never hurt himself again. so I knew he'd eventually be okay. I just needed space.

"is it Ashton? if it is, I don't care if you go hang with him, we hang out all the time," he said and I sighed shrugging.

"i'm trying to distant myself from him," I said as he gave me a confused look.

"why's that?"

"just cause," I said and he sighed as his phone rung.

"hey Liam, yeah i'm with luke....what time?...yeah sure, yeah i'll ask him, later," he said as he hung the phone up.

"Liam, and Louis and Harry are going out to the bar tonight. wanna join?" he asked and I thought about I.

just go see ashton

but instead, I nodded my head, and getting up with a grinning Niall as we walked out of my house.

the whole drive to the bar, Ashton was stuck in my head. I desperately tried my best to thing of anything but him, but for some odd reason, it seemed impossible. walking into the bar seemed even worse, because what I really wanted to do was walk in him room, and apologize for hurting him.

"one beer, please," I ordered and the bartender slid me the glass bottle of beer.

why did I hurt Ashton?

I chugged the whole bottle of beer before asking for another one. maybe if Ashton wouldn't have gave me these feelings towards him, then I'd be hanging out with him. maybe we would be playing Fifa, regardless of how much he hates it. he'd play it, just for me. because I'd ask him to.

then we would go the the gym, and work out for two hours, and I'd complain the whole time, but he wouldn't care. and I'd only go just because he wanted me too. because I do what he wants, because it makes him happy. and it makes me happy, too.

"luke?" Niall said, as I snapped back into reality, shrugging my broad shoulders, chugging my sixth beer now.

"where'd ash go?" I asked curiously as he looked confused shrugged his shoulders.

"he went home hours ago, luke," he explained as I frowned, shaking my head.

"no, he's suppose to be here with me. we're suppose to be together having fun," I said as Niall looked at me worried as I began ranting on about Ashton. the alcohol was filling my veins and taking over my body.
"why did he do this to me? why now. out of nowhere he just goes and makes me feel like this?" I scoffed, "I guess it's only fair. maybe it's not. no, it's not! i don't want to feel this way. the worst part about this, is the fact that i'm the one who has to hide my feelings. what's he hiding? huh! what are you hiding, Ashton!"

Niall watched me, seeming uncomfortable. very uncomfortable watching me. it was probably the fact that I was going on and on about feelings towards another guy. no, Niall isn't homophobic. but I guess I'd be the same if he just started speaking of how much he liked his guy best friend when this whole time I thought he was straight.

and the fact that I wasn shutting up either.

Louis glanced over at Niall and I, seeing how misleads he was, he walked over grabbing me by the arms and gave Niall a weak smile.
"I got him, mate," he said before leading me very to a quieter area.

"what's up with you?"

I frowned, "Ashton."

he sighed, shaking his head, and took a seat along with me. "okay listen, Ashton isn't gay. we all know he isn't. and he just had a hard break up, and you shoving him away probably isn't helping him and better than being here drunk currently," he said making me feel guilty.

I shrugged, "want a beer?" I questioned, pretending that nothing he just said ever happened.

he looked at me oddly before walking back over to Harry, and leaving me by myself. I chuckled, shrugging, "guess he doesnt want one."