Tris Is Alive

Chapter 5

                       Tris POV

I watch him on the screens, he just sits there for a while. I notice he has something in his hands, he keeps messing with it. I look at Amar, he doesn't look too happy either. Tobias gets up and starts pacing back and forth, he looks like he's talking to himself. I touch his face, "Tobias.... It's going to be okay, I promise." I close my eyes and think back to when I first went into my fear landscape, right before I went under Tobias told me to be brave. I can't forget how he looked at me, his eyes so stern but caring. I open my eyes, "Be Brave."

   Amar clears his throat, "Four has memory serum, if he drinks it all right now he will forget everything." My eyes go wide... can he do that. He can't do that. He just can't. Why would he forget all about me... all about us? Is the pain too much for him? If he takes this then I'll be nothing to him. I feel my chest get tight, "Amar... stop him please.... Please stop him." It suddenly gets harder to breathe, like all the oxygen from the air has disappeared. I can feel a tear drop down from my face, I say louder. "Amar you need to stop this. He's going to forget all about me, and for what? I'm still alive... he can't do this."

   Amar shakes his head, "Tris I want to, trust me I do. I just can't, I can't get into communication with him right now." I look away from the screen, I can't watch this. I can't watch the love of my life forget everything, forget our love, forget who he is. I try to steady my breathing, I know I can't watch Tobias do this to himself, but I have to see... I just have to. Possibly it might be better for him, I'm dead to everyone... maybe he can start a new life. I feel a sharp pain in my chest, will Tobias find someone prettier than me, someone better... more tears start to come. My Tobias... my love.

   All of a sudden I see another person enter the room, Christina. What is she doing there? Slowly she enters the room and I can tell the both of them are talking. What are they saying? I can see his hand tighten around the vial of memory serum. They talk for a little longer and I can see him trying to act calm, but I can tell he looks annoyed. All of a sudden Tobias is yelling, I look at Amar, "Turn the volume up! What are they saying?" He shakes his head, "We can turn it up but something is wrong and it won't go up that loud." I look down, "Please just turn it up, I'll listen as best as I can."

   Before he can turn it up I see Tobias lunge at Christina, pinning her to a wall. I can see them talking again, Amar turns the volume up and he's right, you can barely hear them. I can hear Christina say something about a coward. It's quiet for a moment, then Tobias collapses into the wall right next to them. I can hear him apologize but I don't hear if Christina accepts it or not. It's quiet again, they both are just looking at each other. Once they start talking again I see Christina wrap her hand around Tobias's. Jealously flows through me, I know she doesn't mean anything by it but I wasn't expecting to see it.

   I listen in and I can hear she's talking about Will. I feel guilt again, I still have nightmares about the things I've done. I put my ear right by the speaker, "But he changed my life. He changed me. And I know Tris changed you even more." I look down, it's killing me how much pain Tobias is in. Christina touches Tobias's shoulders and says something I can't hear to him. All of sudden Tobias is crying and I can't help but cry myself. I don't care if Amar or anyone else is watching me, all I can think about is Tobias. Christina puts her arm around Tobias which makes him cry more, I know he just wants to be alone.

   Sometime after he stops crying and they sit there in silence. He then offers the vial to her and she gladly takes it. I sigh a breath of relief knowing he's not going to forget me and all of our memories. I'm actually thankful for Christina being there. They exchange a few more words then after some time they both leave the room. I look down and touch the screen. He feels so close but I know he's so far away from me, just the thought of the distance makes my heart ache. I look up at Amar, "Why did you show me this?" He finally looks at me, "I know how much he meant to you, I knew if you didn't see him before he took the serum then it would crush you beyond repair. You had to see him one last time as Four."

   I don't know where to look, everything is just so much. I just want to get up and run, run away to somewhere I feel safe... then I realize I know where I want to run, into Tobias's arms. I look down and start to cry again, Amar puts his hand over my shoulder and I push him away. I slowly get up and try to walk away, I don't get far because of how much pain I'm in. I block the pain out and just collapse into the wall. I call out Tobias's name but I know it's useless. Amar comes and just holds me, I want to fight back but I just can't. I let him hold me and just cry.