Tris Is Alive

Chapter 21

Tobias POV

We decide to leave the Dauntless compound and go back to my old apartment. I'm still not sure what's real and what's fake but right now all I want is for this moment to be real. I open the door and see that my apartment was left the same since I was last in it, no one must have claimed it yet. I head straight for the bed, all of this alcohol is now getting to me and I feel sick. Tris comes over and rubs my back, she always finds a way to make me feel better.

She kisses my cheek, "I wish I could stay here forever..."

I automatically sit up, which I quickly regret because the room starts spinning. "You don't have to leave, we can stay here and live normal lives." I see her expression change as if she's about to cry, I hate seeing her sad, especially when I can't help her. I make her look at me, "Tell me what's on your mind."

She looks down, "Tobias.... I'm gone. I'm dead. I want to be here so bad but they won't let me. I just want to be with you...I'm sorry," I touch her hair, "The note... how does the note make sense? I keep trying to figure out how it got there." She starts to lose her composure, "I'm sorry for leaving you... I want to come back as much as possible, but I can't bring a ghost back."

I can feel everything inside of me crumble again, I hold her close and cry. I knew I said I was going to be strong but I can't do it if it means losing her. She holds on to me tight, tight enough for me to feel her fingernails digging into my skin. The alcohol pulls me towards the darkness, I fight against it and kiss her. We kiss for a long time, our love making us forget our pain.

Tris POV

I just can't do this, I'm hurting him so much. All of this pain... it's all because of me. I want to tell him so bad, I want to tell him everything. I know I don't have much time, Amar will find me somehow and drag me back to the Bureau. Probably giving Tobias something to make him think this is another dream, I can't leave another note because they found out about the last one and were mad. I can't leave him though... I just can't. I shove the thought aside and let our love take over.

Tobias POV

I suddenly wake up again. I look around and realize I'm not in the comfort of my old apartment but on the cold ground in the Dauntless compound. I don't even attempt to sit up because the headache I have is almost unbearable. The pounding in my ears reminds me of all the drinks I consumed. I just look up to the sky and replay the dream I just had, even though it felt so real it went by so quick. Sad part is that I didn't get to say the things I really wanted to say, I had so much more to talk about.

After some time I finally manage to get up, I stumble a little bit down the hallway. All of a sudden I know where I'm at and I don't feel as lost, just still really confused. I want to smile but to know that it was just another dream just makes it worse. She even admitted in the dream that she was dead, that it's hard as a ghost to come back to me. I reply it over and over in my head as I walk in the Dauntless housing section. I get to my apartment and again slowly open the door, it looks the same from my dream. I climb into bed and cover myself with my blanket, trying to hide myself from the world. I can smell her scent on the blanket and then all of a sudden I remember her words, "I want to be here so bad but they won't let me." They. Won't. Let. Me.