Tris Is Alive

Chapter 18

                              Tris POV

    Today is the day, the day when they spread Uriah's ashes in the chasm. It was so hard to wake up this morning, to just acknowledge he's gone..... it still hurts. I close my eyes and reply the last time I saw him alive, him waving next to me and then seeing him fall because of the explosion. I shake my head, hoping if I shake enough I could shake off all the bad memories.

     I slowly get dressed, Amar gave me some old Dauntless clothes. I look in the mirror, my hair has grown out a bit and I look like I've lost some weight. In a way though, it reminds me of old times. Like this is just a regular day and I'm going to go to the pit and hang out with all of my friends. I look at the birds on my collarbone, I remember the night I got them. With Christina, Will and Al... I can't believe only two of us are left.

     I look at the birds, taking flight and flying away. I touch all three of them. My mother, my father and Caleb. I wonder if I should get another one... for Tobias... for Will... for Al... I've lost so many people in my life. My family, my friends, my own life. I had to give up everything, no, everything was taken away from me. Forced. I didn't have any choice or any say in what happened. I close my eyes and zip up my jacket. Out of sight, out of mind. I don't have time today to feel sorry for myself, I need to rise and overcome.

     I pull my hair in a ponytail and apply some makeup. I'm not as good as I used to be, Christina would teach me different ways to apply it. I walk out and meet Amar in the hallway. He looks just as somber as me. He hugs me, "Ready for today?" I shrug, "Can you ever be ready for these types of things?" He shakes his head, the only funeral type thing I ever attended was Al's. A bunch of people getting drunk and chanting his name, I assume this is what Uriah's funeral is going to be like.

     Me and Amar walk outside and get in the car.

                                                                                     Tobias POV

     Today is the day. I can't help but feel guilt in my chest. Everyone says that I shouldn't feel bad, but every time I see Zeke.... I can't help but remember my actions. I get up from my bed and look around my apartment. It's quiet and empty, I decided to get an apartment north of the river. I could have gotten one on a higher floor but I decided on one in the lower levels. There's a great view of all of the buildings. Everyone chose to live within the city, but I decided this place because it isn't by either of my old homes. I still don't want to face the facts, not just yet.

     Today is not about me though, it's not about me moping around and hating life. Not today. Today is about Uriah and his family, they are the ones who need our support today. I look in the mirror, I feel like I'm a completely changed person. I lost a little bit of weight, but not enough to make me look less 'Dauntless'. I look at my eyes and see that it is very obvious that I have not been getting any sleep. I try to get my mind off of it and start cutting my hair, I don't want to grow it out like the Abnegation anymore.

     I run out when it's time to leave, I haven't gotten a car yet but I know the trains are still running. I'm dressed in black, I was going to change because we're not in factions anymore but it felt right because that's what we are. We are apart of Dauntless, we may not all have started that way but being in Dauntless gave us all a bond we can't break. I run faster as I see the train approaching, I know I can easily jump on at any moment but just to be right next to it gives me a rush just like when I first joined. Right as I jump on an image of Tris flashes through my mind, it throws me off guard but I'm still able to hold on. I know Tris would be proud.