Tris Is Alive

Chapter 7

                                                                                Tris POV

    It's been two weeks... these have been the hardest weeks of my life. I can't sleep, I can't eat, and everything reminds me of Tobias. I watch him on the screens a lot, sometimes I talk to him like he can actually hear me. I feel like we're both mourning each other, it shouldn't be like this though. We should be together and be happy, starting our new lives. Everyone is going to go back to Chicago here within the next few days, I know he's going to go with them. Once they all leave Amar says I can finally go back out to the public. I've been underground ever since I died, I go up every once in a while, when they know I won't be seen.

    I heard Johanna talked with David's superiors about leaving them alone, to not reset anyone's memory and for them to just live as normal. They won't have factions anymore so I'm curious about how the city will be ran. I also heard that Peter reset his memory by choice, I was able to see him recently only because he doesn't remember me. I didn't know what to expect when I saw him, but when I did all the anger in me left and I couldn't help but hug him. He was the only person I was able to see from my past, he was confused when I hugged him. I don't blame him, having some stranger who is almost in tears hug you for no reason... it kind of makes me laugh when I think about it.

    I watch the others on the cameras too. I watched when they unplugged Uriah, it was such a sad moment. I saw how much it affected Christina, she wasn't as bad after she lost Will but her and Uriah gotten close after Marlene died. I guess that's why Christina and Tobias gotten close, because they both know how it feels to lose someone they love. I know I don't want to see Tobias with anyone else, but I know if he ever did have to move on... Christina would be good for him. She would make sure he would be okay, they would help each other through the hard days, and they would make it through all of this. They both are really strong people.

    A toll has been taken on Caleb too, a much bigger one than I had expected. He's able to sleep and eat but when he is awake he's like a zombie. The only way to get his mind off things is when he goes to read and study things. I know what he's going through, losing all of his family. Being all alone. At least when I was there I had Tobias as my family, now I have no one. Amar seems to have lighten up, sometimes we actually talk. He gives me updates on how everyone is doing. I don't know how he can face everyone knowing I'm still alive.

    Amar says he might be able to help me one day, but he can't tell me more than that. I always ask him when he will be able to but he says it's too complicated to know for right now. I try to figure out how he can help me, I'm dead. George has been a great help though, we talk about Tori a lot. Even though she claimed me as a traitor at one point in time, she was one who told me about Divergents. She warned me about everything and that I should hide it. She saved my life.

    To get my mind off Tobias I spend a lot of time thinking about my future. Am I going to be able to help the Bureau like they want me to? Can I find my place here or am I going to spend the rest of my life in sadness? Can this place be home?

    I try to wonder how I'm going to help the Bureau. Amar says they are keeping me here because I'm the strongest Divergent that they have come across. That I would be a great addition to their team. I wonder if they will have me apart of the council, just like David wanted me to be. That's most likely the job I'll get, because I know a lot about this place. The question is how will they make sure that my friends and family don't hear that I'm still alive?