Tris Is Alive

Chapter 42

Tris POV

3 Months Later.

    After the year anniversary I knew I had to close the chapter of my old life and start fresh. The Bureau told me that I wouldn't go back, that since I'm striving here that it would make sense for me to remain here. Nothing would change their minds, not after the countless times I went in there trying to talk sense into them. Not having recommendations for myself, not having people tell the council that it would be best for me to go home. Nothing. I'm going to live my life in the Bureau.

    At first I moped around, depressed that I couldn't go back. Actually hearing it.... It just sent my world spiraling down. Then I realized all that had to happen for me to get to this point that if I just gave up and quit... it all would have been for nothing. So I know that I have to stay strong, I have to accept. If this is the life I have to live, I'm going to make the most of it. I'm not going to walk around with all of this hate, I'm going to walk around doing everything I possibly can to make the world a better place. My mother and father died for me... I'm going to make my life count.

    I slowly started letting my walls down, I went on a few dates with Bruno and they were actually pretty fun. I'm not going to lie, I still feel guilty about it all. But everyone kept pressuring me to move on because they knew I was going to be stuck here. Tobias hasn't moved on yet, he had some chances but he wasn't ready to move on. I don't even know if I'm ready to move on, I know I don't want to move on.... But they say I have to do it sooner or later. Even though I'm going on dates with Bruno... deep down.... I always wish they were with Tobias.

Tobias POV

    Sleep. Eat. Work. Eat. Work. Fear Landscape. Eat. Sleep. That's how my schedule is now. I keep it busy and packed so I don't have to face my thoughts. I feel like things are getting worse for me, that there are more bad days then good. That I'm being swallowed alive by all the pain. The only time I do actually smile is during my Fear Landscape, when I get to see Tris alive and having her in my arms telling her that I love her. Even though it never lasts long, I'm with her again.

    I don't know how people do it, how they move on. Caleb and Christina started going out, Zeke and Cara might start going out, all of the people I know who were ever affected by this are doing just fine. How is that possible? Maybe because they weren't attached to Tris like I was, they didn't know her like I did. They weren't in a relationship with her, they weren't in love with her. I was. Was. They say I should try to start to move on with dating, but I can't. All I see is Tris, I can see her in everyone I meet.

    Though I don't mind growing old alone, when I was with Tris I had all the happiness in the world. I felt love that I never knew was possible. If I were to move on, I'll never have a love like her again, nothing will ever come close. So I would rather go through life, knowing Tris should be by my side then to have someone not as good next to me. I was lucky to experience a love that not many people get to have in life.

    I just want to know when will things get easier...that's all I care for. They won't give me the memory serum to make me forget so when will things get easier? When will I stop waking up and wishing Tris was next to me? When will I stop looking for her face in the crowds? When will I stop hoping it's her when I pick up the phone? When?

A/N; DOUBLE UPDATE IN ONE DAY!!! A little early Christmas gift to my readers, thank you for all your support and comments. I love reading how happy my stories make you guys!
It's so emotional writing Tobias' parts, you can see how truly sad he is and how much he needs Tris in his life.
I'm so sad that this book is coming to an end but SPECIAL NEWS *drumroll* THERE WILL BE A SEQUEL!!!!! I'm in the process of starting that, more details to come later!