Breathless - A Janoskians Fanfic. (strong sexual content)

42. I was being raped.

Skip looked relieved to see me, as I jogged down the stairs, and stood up excusing himself from the awkwardness my mother had thrust upon him. "It was lovely to meet you Skip, Isla will you be home tonight?" my own mum just called him Skip, he'd clearly left a good impression, maybe this was a good sign. "Umm, I don't know." I replied slipping my black leather jacket on and popping my keys in the pocket "I've got my keys just in case". My mum hugged Skip goodbye, kissed my forehead and made stupid cooing noises and Skip and I left hand in hand. "You look so beautiful Isla, I can't even.." he started spinning me around in his arms. I blushed and giggled as I flew through the air.

It only took two minutes to drive back to Skips but that didn't stop him blasting Lil'Wayne again, I can't remember the last time I laughed this much, he made me feel on top of the world. Was this what love felt like? I'd never been in love before, I thought I had been in love with my ex, Ryder, but I'd just been trapped by his violence.

One clear memory stuck in my head, Ryder had pinned me down on his bed, well, the mattress on his floor. His room was dark and dingy, the smell of drugs hung around in the air, the walls were dirty and graffiti covered them. There were plenty of places similar to this on the outskirts of London, I never thought I'd end up in one of them, but I had. Ryder was the love of my life, tall, skinny and blonde. He had messy, tangled hair, plenty of piercings and tattoos, all paid for with dirty money of course. He dealt drugs a lot, but it meant he could treat me with presents. Instead of saving his money to get a nicer house and build a life for himself he fuelled it all back into drugs.

He'd pinned me to that mattress and injected me with heroin, I begged for him to stop, but it was too late. He ripped my already torn clothes from my body and held his hand over my mouth so I couldn't scream. I loved him, I did everything for him, I even smuggled drugs, spent time in jail for possession and been forced into prostitution for him. I was 17, he was 24 and he said he loved me too. His sweaty body hung over mine, I was high from the drugs and a rush buzzed through my body. My skin felt immediately warm but my limbs were too heavy to fight Ryder off me. I'd had sex with him before, but I didn't want it to happen like this. He slapped me several times across the face but the drug numbed all the pain. It wasn't until I looked down I realised he'd forced himself inside me and I was being raped.

I cried as he hoisted himself up my body once more and moaned in pleasure, my body was stiff but the tears kept falling. He'd yelled at me to stop acting like a child and hit me again, but I was just a child. After a few more grunts and a sudden jerk Ryder climbed off my useless body, he spat in my face and called me a slut, I wanted to run but I just couldn't move. This started happening on a more regular basis, until I felt myself being pinned to that mattress 4 times a week. When the heroin rush subsided I felt drowsy and uncoordinated, this was when Ryder would tell me he loved me and give me gifts, a necklace, a ring, a new phone, anything that meant I'd forgive him.

I'd began to become dependant on the drugs and spent more and more time with Ryder, I was out of control. I'd dropped out of school, lost all my friends and treated my own mum like a piece of shit. One day after being with Ryder my mum greeted me, syringe in her hand and tears on her face, she thought after my time in jail I'd put the drugs behind me. seeing her heart break was the only thing that made me realise the agonising life Ryder had lead me to. That night I confessed everything to her, the drugs, the rape, the money I mysteriously had saved in my account. I spent six months in rehab after that, suffering the most unbearable pain I'd ever experienced. Ryder was sentenced to 14 years in jail for 6 accounts of rape, to 3 different girls including myself, drug dealing, theft and GBH. He'd been serving his sentence for 17 days when he was found hanging by a shoelace in his cell. I was finally free.

This is why I'd understood Benji so well the previous night, and why I was shocked at Skips past. He was nothing like me and no-body in my new life, here in Melbourne, would ever know how damaged I was.

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So there's Isla's past she keeps trying to avoid talking about! Sorry if this chapter is really bad, I knew roughly what I wanted it to be but it was hard to put it into words. Please comment and provide any suggestions to make it better! :) x