Caught In The Way You Got Me (Book One)

We're So Sorry We've Been Gone

Brendon:

"I l-" I cut myself off as I look into her eyes. She widens them and looks for an answer from me, for me to continue. I stare at the most, and I really mean the most, beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life. Maybe you can't say it because you don't mean it. You know what, subconscious Brendon, maybe you're right...maybe I'm that stupid. I don't trust myself enough for sure to know if that's what I mean. I need more time...I don't know what else to say...

"I...like your hair like this." There. That was honest. That was truthful. I meant that. So why do I feel so bad saying it? The expression in her eyes changes and she looks down. Her eye lashes dance across her cheeks as she flutters her eyelids. She takes a deep breath, closes here eyes and looks up at me.

"Thank you," she says with a forced smile. I hear my father's highly recognizable footsteps pace through the hall.

"Alright you two, let's eat!" He says happily. She gives him an award winning Asteria smile, a real one, and follows him, leading me by the hand into the dining room.

My eyes trail down her back to her waist and stop at the bow of her apron. I smile and untie it and I'm happy at the glimpse that I get of her ass. I don't mean to be but hey, can you blame me?

"I'm gonna go hang this in the kitchen," I tell her. She gives me a weak smile before heading back...she knew what I wanted to say...

When I walk back into the dining room my parents are cracking up and and Asteria is letting out the most adorable giggle. Does she always do that thing where she clasps her hands together when she laughs? Why have I never noticed how cute it is?

"And he took his swim trunks clean off right there in front of everyone!" My mother laughs and I cringe. Why do they do this?! "And he starts wiggling his hips-and he- he starts yell-"

"Ooookay!!! That's enough! Mom! Shouldn't we be getting ready to eat!" I shout and they're all laughing. My parents are obnoxiously wiping tears from their eyes and the goddess does that adorable thing where she covers her mouth and scrunches her nose while she laughs. I take a seat next to her and slump down. Why would they tell the wiggle snake story? Why is it always the wiggle snake story? I'm thankful when Asteria doesn't ask for the rest and settles down.

As my mother serves us they ask Asteria how we met, what I did for our first date, if she's seen the birth mark on my butt...

"No, I haven't," she giggles and covers her face.

"Asteria is saving herself for someone special," I say, knowing that this will win my parents over completely. I'm met with the opposite of the reaction I was expecting. Everyone has stopped eating and is staring right at me, mouths wide open. Asteria seems hurt...maybe that wasn't my information to tell.

"And you're okay with that, Brendon?" My mother asks quietly. Asteria's lip starts trembling and I feel like I've destroyed something within her with that stupid little announcement.

"Yes. Even if it ends up not being me." My parents look at each other, then me, but when we all turn to look at Asteria she's no longer at the table.

"Son, you can't just share those kinds of facts about women. It's just plain disrespectful," my father scolds me.

"What?! Asking about whether or not she's seen my birthmark is disrespectful too!"

"Brendon. You go calm her down, apologize, and pray I don't eat your serving of stuffing before you come back."

I start to tremble with nerves once I stand up. Where could she have gone? It's not like we gave her a tour of the house. I go through the kitchen and see a glimpse of silver in the backyard. She's curled up on the edge of the back porch and our dog Bean is on her lap, consolidating her better than I can. She rests her head on his back and gives him a tight hug and he let's out small whining sounds. The large boxer is probably twice her size and he scoots farther onto her and she let's out a weak laugh.

"You don't have to cry, too, big guy. It's okay," she says though short breaths and sniffles. I watch her for a moment, taking her in. Her silver hair flows down one side of her back and the tip of her ponytail touches the porch. The way it swirls across her navy dress reminds me of the night sky. Goddess of the stars, indeed.

I take a deep breath and step outside. She doesn't bother to turn around, she knows it's me. Bean doesn't even bother to leave her lap and greet me. He just glances my way and stays with Asteria. She pats his head and he tries to move the rest of his large body onto her tiny one.

"I'm sorry, Asteria."

"You're always sorry, Brendon." She turns and looks at me, placing one arm behind her to support herself on the porch.

"I know...I don't know why I said that. Well, no. That's not true. I do. I wanted to impress my parents. I don't know why I thought that would do it. That was stupid. I'm sorry." She gives me a small nod.

"Do you even know why I chose that, Brendon?" She asks. I try to think back to the conversations that I had with Davey but he never fully explained. I shake my head.

"When I was ten, I got my period. And my mom completely changed after that. I never understood why. She started having problems with Davey staying over once we were in middle school. I'd sneak out to stay at his house. She hated that we were so close together. One day, we were fighting about how I wanted to stay over in San Francisco with Davey for his birthday. I was fourteen. She knew his family. I didn't see a problem. And then she told me something that burnt into my brain. She said, 'you're just going to end up having sex with him and you'll both realize that that is all you are good for'." This part she says slowly. Like she's taking in every word as a wound.

"Later that week, I was attacked on my way home from school. Davey had a study session that he needed to stay for so he didn't walk me. And this guy, he just comes up and pins me to a wall," her voice shakes and so do my fists. "And he started saying things about what he was going to do to me. He started kissing my neck and biting my skin. I tried to push him off, and I couldn't. It was in broad daylight. I screamed for help and no one came. Once my shirt was already ripped and  my pants were being taken off, the cops finally got there. I curled up into a ball, I was so afraid. They wrapped me in a blanket and took me home. When we got to the door my mother asked what happened. They explained it to her and she said she'd take care of me and we'd talk later about pressing charges. Once they left, do you know what she said?"

I shake my head and watch tears fall down her face. She's not sobbing. But the tears just don't stop.

"She said, 'didn't I tell you this was all you'd be good for?' And she walked away from me and went to her room. And I don't want her to be right. So I hold onto it. I don't want that to be why I'm here. And I know Davey told you about the fraternity..." She almost whispers the last sentence and I start rubbing her back and wiping her tears. I'd better take some tips from Bean.

"We hoped you didn't remember..."

"I hoped so, too...I'm sorry for causing a scene in front of your family..."

"It was my fault. Do you want to go back inside? My dad is about to eat my stuffing and your allergies are going to act up," I say hoping to lighten the mood. I definitely need to take notes from Bean. 

"At least there was no more storming off or big fights?" She says softly as she stands up and pats Bean on the head. She's right...We worked through this one...it feels good...

I give her a small nod and we go back inside. I give her a quick kiss on the top of her head and she smiles before she steps into the dining room, red with embarrassment. 

"So you got to meet Bean?" my mother asks. I'm grateful for the change of subject and the newly poured wine. They start telling the story of how we came to adopting Bean and all I can think about is how much better I feel knowing we can do this...knowing we can work things out...We just need to take it a day at a time...

(HI GUYS I'M SO SORRY!!! Finals have been basically eating me alive but I'm really trying to update at least every weekend. You guys are amazing for voting and commenting and even just reading! Next update will most likely be Friday or Saturday!!!)