I Wanna Know Why You Got Me Going

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Asteria:

I have no idea what to do or to say because I absolutely was not expecting him to get me anything at all let alone something like this. I didn't expect to hear him say it...I haven't tried saying it since the airport...

"Can I put it on you?" He asks me with a smile. I nod as he takes the sound wave bracelet out of the box and I hold out a trembling hand. The cold silver presses against my skin and I smile at the heart monitor-esque lines. I can't help but laugh a little bit at the similarities in our gifts for each other. I look up at him and he smiles and tilts my chin up. He doesn't kiss me He watches my face, studies my reaction.

"My God, you're so beautiful," he whispers and for a second I believe him. He leans in and plants a soft kiss on my lips but something sparks within me.

There's something different this time. With how I feel. I don't know what it is. I don't have time to identify it because my cell phone starts ringing. It's my mother. I roll my eyes.

"Hello?"

"Asteria, where did you go?" 

"I'm outside, mom. I was meeting Brendon. We'll be right in." I hang up and we put his gift in his car before going inside. 

"Brendon, what the hell are you wearing?" I ask him now that I'm not staring at his perfect face. I stare at the ugliest Christmas sweater I've ever seen. He bursts into a fit of laughter.

"I thought you'd like it!" He laughs and I join him. We're giggling like maniacs outside of my front door and my mother opens it.

"Oh, dear God," she says when she looks at Brendon and we laugh even harder. 

Brendon coming into my mom's house is so different compared to when we were seeing his parents on Thanksgiving. There's no welcoming warmth. No happy to see you smiles. We're only coming in because I just finished cooking and I'm sure he's hungry. After that, we're out of here. I just can't let him find out that I've been sleeping in a rental car...I'm glad he didn't take off my beanie. My only give away is that I haven't washed my hair in a few days. I'm buying my ticket back to New York tomorrow so I can just go back to my real home. 

Lunch is awkward and stale and the only thing I can think about is the way that Brendon's stupid sweater hangs on his shoulders. You can see his clavicle and I'm losing my mind. I have no idea what's happening to me. After we've had our awkward lunch with my mother we're happy to be saying good bye.

"Alright, Asteria. Thanks for coming for Christmas. Before I forget, here you go." My mother smirks as she hands me the letter and I feel my heart fall. I gently take it from her hand and Brendon pulls me along. 

I watch the way he smiles, how his jaw line accentuates when he turns to look at me. Does he look different? Or am I just seeing him differently?

"What do you want to do today?" he asks softly and I feel chills rushing down my spine. "Everything is closed, so choose wisely."

"Whatever you want?" I have no idea what I want to do other than kiss his face off. 

"Well, hey. Why don't you take a break from hanging out at your moms and stay with me tonight? Our suite has private rooms." 

"Yes! Yes please!" I need a shower.

"Okay, awesome! We can watch movies and order a pizza!"

"That sounds perfect! Can I just grab my bag? I'll be right back!" I dart away before he can follow me and grab a weekender that I used as a carry on from the rental. It's already pre-stuffed with my necessities and some outfit choices so I don't have to worry about trying to pack anything into it. 

We catch each other up in the LA traffic. He brings up that it's worse than New York traffic but I remind him that that's only because he actually has to drive farther out here and he groans. We make it to his hotel in about forty five minutes, which really isn't too bad. When we get inside the guys are all excited to see me and they surround me and attack me with affection, much like a swarm of puppies. I still can't believe that this is my life now. If someone told me this is what I would be doing when I was sixteen I would've kicked their ass for joking with me that way. We get into Brendon's room and I'm happy to finally be alone with him. 

"So, when do you want to read that thing?" He asks as he points to the letter in my back pocket. I frown. I forgot all about it. 

"After a shower?" I ask him and he laughs. 

"Go for it. The showers here are really nice," he smiles and I almost don't want to leave him. 

I run the water as warm as I'll be able to without washing all of the color out of my hair and step in, soothed by the pulsing water. Brendon looks good today. I mean really good. And he loves me. What? I can't believe he said it...I can't believe he means it...I can't wait to get the hell out of this shower and back to him. As I run the soap along my body all I can think about are his hands...and his lips...what the hell is happening to me? 

I realize that I left my clothes in the room and let out a long sigh, stepping out in just a towel. I try to sneak through quietly and when Dal catches a glimpse of me he covers one side of his face and makes sure he doesn't look.

"Jesus, Asteria!" he laughs.

"Sorry!" I tell him. I'm covered! What's the big deal?!

When I make it back to Brendon's room I hear him gasp.

"What are you doing?" he asks and there's a hunger in his voice that calls to me. 

"I-I forgot my clothes," I tell him and his eyes dart across my body. I push my hair back, mostly out of nerves.

"D-don't do that," he commands me in the most desperate voice I've ever heard. 

"Don't do what?" I ask quietly and he stands up and walks towards me. My body tenses but this time something accompanies the nerves. His hands make their way to my hips.

"You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," he whispers before kissing me. The kiss is primal, hungry, and I'm begging for more.


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