used to...

CHAPTER 46 - SHOULD HAVE...

JIMIN'S POV

BTS: "WHAT?!"

"We've been secretly dating for two years now."

"Seolma!" Hoseok hyung exclaimed.

"Noona, is that true?" Jungkook asked her. She just nodded at him as an answer.

Well, I'm not that surprised anymore. I already knew they're together, I just chose to shut up. But I didn't know that they've been together that long. Guess they really love each other. I looked at them and they look so happy.

Let me tell you something...

That hug we just had earlier... it's just... just so precious. It holds a lot of meaning to me. I felt like I never want to let her go, like I don't want this to end. If only she's not with Mark hyung, I would have thought that she still loves me and wants me back. But I screwed it up. I know to myself that it's not entirely my fault because I was also a victim back there, but the damage has already been done. There's no point of explaining myself to her.

She already moved on and now is happy with her life. She got a good career, met new friends and found her true love. While me, well... I'm still stuck in the past. The past where I once called my happiness, my life. The past where she was once in. The past where I never thought would pass through me because of one stupid mistake.

"I should've told her where I was going and who I'm going to. I should've stopped Naeun. I should've not let Taehyung stopped me from chasing after her then this should've not happen. We should've been happy together until now. She should've been with me instead of another man." I mentally cursed myself. Too many things I should've done to save our relationship, but unfortunately, I didn't do any of those. Now I'm paying the price. I think I deserve this.

The day after she said that we're over, I became a completely different person. Of course, I didn't show that when we're performing or whenever we're in public, but it's the different story when we're not.

I feel like I'm a robot. I have no emotions. I just went to practice with them the whole day then went back to the dorm to rest. That's practically how my days went.

The guys are now talking to me like they used to before, but I still don't otherwise. They said that they understand how I feel but I shouldn't shut myself from the world and just move on.

How can I move on when I'm still attached to her? I know I can't forget her. Never will.

Despite my attitude towards them, they still didn't give up on me and I'm so thankful for that. They helped me be myself again and slowly forget the heartbreak. I am progressing for the time being.