Just the two of us (book 3)

Chapter 6 A few hours with Marshall

Amy and I walk into Rachel's house and I feel so sick in my stomach knowing that Marshall is in here. I haven't told Amy anything about Marshall because I don't wanna risk her telling Ken about it. I will tell Ken eventually but I'm just not ready yet.
"Hello?" I say.
"In the kitchen." Rachel says. I take off Amy's and my own jacket before we head to the kitchen where Rachel and Marshall are. Amy is seeking contact with me as soon as she sees Marshall, she always does that when she meets new people because she gets all shy. Marshall looks at her smiling, he's really happy to see her and it's obvious that he takes a good look at her. I feel very awkward because I don't know if I should say anything, this wasn't something I agreed to after all. Apparently Rachel and Marshall don't know what to say either because an awkward silence comes over us. Marshall now looks at me and I can see that he wants me to say something but I just can't find the words.
"Are you gonna give me a hug?" Rachel asks Amy and breaks the silence. Amy smiles and walks over and hugs Rachel.
"Who is the man grandma?" Amy whispers to Rachel but it's loudly enough for me and Marshall to hear it.
"It's my friend Marshall." Rachel says.
"And you're Amy, right?" Marshall asks her and Amy just nods shyly. "Your dress is very beautiful." He compliments Amy's pink dress.
"My dad bought it." Amy tells him.
"Well that was very sweet of him." Marshall says and Amy just smiles proudly. An awkward silence fills the room again, I don't say anything because it isn't my job to break the silence, it was Marshall who wanted to see her.
"Do you like to draw?" Marshall asks Amy and she nods. "I really like to draw too. I bet you're really good at drawing."
"I can draw houses." Amy says.
"You are? Can you maybe show me how because I ain't that good at drawing houses." Marshall says.
"Mmh." She says shyly. "Grandma has papers and crayons."
"Then go get it." Rachel tells Amy. Marshall glares at me not giving me a nice look before he looks back at Rachel. It's very uncomfortable for me to be here with Marshall, I hate that I'm going behind Ken's back and right now I regret that I haven't told Ken, because it's gonna be much harder to explain after this.
Amy comes back with a stack of paper and some crayons and lays it on the dinner table where Marshall sits. Amy loves drawing, she's so creative and I know she has that from Marshall because I can't even draw a straight line.
"Mommy, do you want to draw with us?" Amy asks as she sits down next to Marshall.
"Yes of course." I say even though I don't really want to, I don't wanna sit here and play family with Marshall. I sit down across from Amy and she hands me a piece of paper. I stare at the empty piece of paper, I don't know what to draw because I never really draw. I look over at Amy who just begins to draw and Marshall takes a pencil and begins to draw.
"Are you not going to use colors?" Amy asks him.
"No I like a pencil better." Marshall tells her.
"What do you want to draw?" Amy asks him curious as she looks at his paper where he's about to draw some lines.
"I wanna draw a girl." Marshall says. I know Marshall is good at drawing people and I don't hope that he'll draw Amy but I already suspect it.
"A girl?" Amy asks and Marshall nods as he keeps drawing.
Amy slowly begins to open more up to Marshall and I can tell that she really likes him. I just sit here awkwardly still with a blank piece of paper, I feel like crying over this fucked up situation and I hate Marshall right now.
"Amelia, do you might to just help me with something?" Rachel asks as Amy and Marshall are in their deepest concentration. I know that I'm not really gonna help Rachel but that she just needs to talk with me. I get up from the chair and we walk into her bedroom.
"Are you okay?" She asks me.
"No.. This situation is so fucked up Rachel." I say as I'm really trying to hold my tears back.
"He has every right to see Amy." Rachel says.
"Yes but why does he have the need to? He doesn't know her. Why does he have the need to fuck the life up I've worked so hard for?" I ask.
"In the end of the day; you brought yourself in this situation sweetie." She says softly knowing that she can really upset me with her words.
"I have a good life now. I wouldn't have a good life if I hadn't made that decision." I say.
"But now you have to pay the price." Rachel says. Who's side are she even on? Why is she defending him like that? She has known this for years and she has been a part of it.
"Who's side are you even on Rachel?" I ask.
"Both." Rachel says.
"Be on Amy's side then because she doesn't need this confusion." I say.
"She deserves to know the truth." Rachel says which really upsets me. Amy is only 4 and she doesn't need this, she needs to be a child and enjoy that. We are a family and maybe Ken isn't Amy's father by blood but in her heart he is, Marshall can never take that place.
"She's only 4 Rachel." I say. "She doesn't need this confusion."
"I didn't say that it had to be now but sooner or later you have to tell her where she comes from." Rachel says.
"Did you drag me in here to talk bullshit?" I ask her.
"No Amelia, I wanted to know if you were okay but it doesn't help to be so angry, especially not with Marshall because he's the one who's been duped." Rachel says.
"What is it he wants to accomplish with this? What does he want from us?" I ask her as she's probably spoke with Marshall about this.
"He wants to get to know her and he wants a relationship with her." Rachel says.
"I don't want him in my life Rachel." I say strictly.
"He's Amy's father." Rachel says strictly.
"He has his own family." I say.
"It's his blood and flesh sitting in there." Rachel hisses and I can tell that she gets irritated now.
"I've been doing nothing else but trying to protect her, I've done that even before she was born and I refuse to let him fuck it up." I say.
"He's not gonna fuck anything up Amelia. Don't let your issue with Marshall influence this. Marshall is a good father and a good man and yes he cheated on you and broke your heart but don't take it out on Amy." Rachel says. I can't believe she's taking his site in all this!
"Mommy!" I hear Amy from the kitchen. I give Rachel an evil glare telling her that she's crossed the line before I leave the bedroom.
"I'm coming!" I say. I walk into the kitchen where Amy now sits bend over Marshall's drawing looking down at it.
"Mommy, look! He drew me!" She tells me excited. Of course he did.. I walk over and look down at Marshall's drawing and he's drawn her perfectly.
"Wow that's impressive, huh?" I say smiling. I'm really trying not to show her how much I don't like this, I'm really putting on an act.
"Mmh." Amy says still concentrated on Marshall's drawing.

Marshall and Amy draw, play games and having fun, Amy really likes him which is nice but also really bad. It's hard for me to just watch and not be a part of it because I can really feel that Marshall doesn't want me to. It's not like I wanna play family or anything with him, but it's hard for me not to really have any part in my child when we're in the same room together.
The clock finally becomes 6 and it's time for Amy and I to drive home. I put on her jacket and shoes as Rachel and Marshall just watch.
"Say buy to grandma and Marshall." I say to her when she's dressed. Amy walks over and gives Marshall a hug, he lifts her up and they hug even more. It's funny how quickly Amy can like someone, she did the same with Ken back then, she fell in love with him right away and it seems like she's done the same with Marshall.
"Are you going to come visit grandma another time?" Amy asks Marshall.
"I am." Marshall assures her. I hug Rachel goodbye and then me and Amy leave. I have such an empty feeling inside as me and Amy drive home. I know that Ken is home late today so he won't be home before midnight. I know that I have to talk to him before Amy does, because I know for sure that she's gonna tell Ken about Marshall. I'm so scared of his reaction.

When we get home, Amy can't stop egging on about Marshall but I just put on a smile and pretend like I'm just so excited as she is.
We watch some cartoon afterwards and then I put her to bed. Normally afterwards I would take a long bath or something to spoil myself but I can only sit on the couch and wait for Ken. I really hope that Ken is gonna take this lightly and not get angry with me.

Ken comes home very late and I just sit on the couch, again.. Very unusual! I can see that Ken is surprised about the fact that I'm still up when he walks into the living room.
"Hi baby. What's up?" He asks and walks over and kisses me.
"Nothing much." I say. "How was your day?"
"Good." He says. "Are you okay?"
"Not really." I sigh and Ken now sits down next to me.
"What's going on?" He asks.
"You're gonna be so angry with me." I sigh not even daring to look at him.
"What? Why?"
"I've held a big secret from you." I almost whisper.
"A secret?" He asks.
"Yes, about Amy's father." I say.
"Hey, look at me." He says and I look at him, he looks so confused. "Amy's father? I mean.. Do you know who he is?" I answer his question with a nod. "Who's her father?" He asks. I can't even say it, I'm trying to say something but no words come out. "Don't tell me it's Eminem."
"Sorry." I begin to cry now.
"Amelia for fuck sake.." He sighs. "Why haven't you told me?"
"Because I didn't want anyone to know." I say.
"Why are you first telling me this now?" He asks me and I look down. I really can't bring myself to say that I've gone behind his back. "Does he know?"
"He found out last week." I mumble.
"So now he wants a relationship with her?" He asks.
"He met her today." I say still looking down.
"He what?" I can tell that Ken is getting angry now.
"Sorry." I say.
"You went behind my back with this?" He frowns as he stands up. "I don't know what I'm most angry about. The fact that you've known all along who's the father is or that he met her behind my back."
"I'm sorry. I just.. I didn't want this, trust me, but he threatened with taking it to court if I refused." I explain.
"You should have told me! You should have told me that he was her father, you should have told me about the fact that he found out and you should have told me about the meeting!" Ken raises his voice.
"I know, I know." I say. "I was afraid that you would hate me."
"Not if you had been honest from the start." He says.
"So you hate me now?"
"I'm fucking disgusted by you." He says which is just as bad. "How could you hide it? I mean.. I know he put you through shit but couldn't you prevent this day coming?"
"I did what was best for me and Amy and I haven't regret it because Amy has the best father in you." I say.
"Do you really think he's gonna accept that she's calling me dad?" He asks rhetorically.
"He said that he didn't care if he was in our life just as a friend, as long as he has a relationship with her." I say even though I don't really believe it.
"Someday you have to tell her." Ken says and I don't say anything again because I know he's right. "So what's gonna happen? He's gonna be a part of the fucking family or what? Because I can't Amelia, I can't put up with that. I know you have a fucking weakness for this dude."
"I love you." I assure him.
"I really need to think this through." He says and begins to walk out of the living room. I get up and follow him.
"Ken!" I say but I hear the front door go.

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