Just the two of us (book 3)

Chapter 19 Sharing

I've been crying the whole night and I have no idea what to tell Amy when I have to wake her up in any minute. I'm not lying when I say that I haven't closed an eye during the night.
I walk into Amy's room where she's sleeping. I know she's gonna ask for Ken and I can't tell her. I'm not gonna be the one who tells her because it's not me who chose to leave.
"Amy." I say softly as I turn on the light. She makes small sounds and I know she's about to wake up. "It's time to wake up sweetie." She still doesn't answer but I know she's hard to wake up. "Amy.. you have to wake up." I now walk over to the bed and squat down next to it. I run my hands through her brown hair and kiss her forehead. I feel so bad for what I'm putting her through; he father moves out and eventually I have to tell her about her real father. What mess did I get myself and Amy into? "Wake up Amy."
"Mommy." She wines.
"Yeah sweetie?" I ask her softly.
"I want daddy." She says which absolutely breaks my heart.
"He's gone to work early." I lie.

I manage to get Amy out of bed but I can really feel that I miss Ken here. If we could just talk about all this and come to an agreement. I want him but I refuse to be forced into marriage or pregnancy to show him that. I don't need to give him any insurance, he should just trust me.

I go to work and everything is just much harder today, I can't concentrate and I just wanna go home. My heart is broken and I'm so devastated.

To Ken (1:02pm)
Amy asked after you this morning. I'm not gonna be the one who tells her that you're leaving us.

It's him who left and it's him who doesn't wanna be a part of our lives anymore, so it's his job to tell Amy and explain her why. I don't understand how he can do this if he loves us.

Ken (1:09pm)
I'm gonna stop by later

"You're not yourself today." Samantha now says from the doorway. I haven't even noticed her standing there.
"No." I sigh.
"What's up sweetie?" She asks as she walks towards my desk.
"Ken broke up last night." I say and I already feel the urge to cry but I'm not gonna do that. I refuse to cry in front of Samantha and I refuse to lose it.
"What?" Her voice hits a high note in surprise. We were the perfect couple, the couple that everyone else looked up to, the couple that everyone was jealous of because they wished to have what we had. "Why?" She asks and sits down.
"Because I didn't want another child or want to get married." I say and leave the rest of it out. Only few people know about Marshall being Amy's father and Samantha is not one of those people.
"That's ridiculous." She frowns.
"I agree." I say. "It's gonna break Amy's heart."
"What is he thinking? Where does that suddenly come from?" She asks.
"He doesn't think that I'm ready to make a serious commitment." I say.
"But you did that by taking him into you and Amy's life." She says and that's so true. It was a very big step for me to take a man into not only my life but also Amy's.
"I guess that's not enough." I say.
"He doesn't deserve you then." She says. I don't care because I just want him to stay in our life. I just hope that he's made a mistake and that he regrets it today. I just wanna forget all this and move on like nothing has happened. I don't say anything to what Samantha just said because I think he deserves us and I think that I deserve him. Is it that bad that I just want it to stay the same? Is it that bad that I'm afraid of changes? "I think you should go home sweetie." Samantha says.
"No, I'm fine." I lie.
"It wasn't a question." She says. "Go home and take the rest of the week off."
"I don't.."
"Don't argue with me on this." She cuts me off and I just nod.

I get my stuff and then I go out to my car. I get in and begin to drive towards home but then I realize that I can't go home, I can't face reality right now and face the fact that I'm a single mother once again. I turn my car around and drive home to Rachel instead. I don't even know if I want to talk about this when I arrive at Rachel, all I do know is that I don't wanna go home and Rachel is the only place I got to go.