Just the two of us (book 3)

Chapter 35 High as fuck

Lately I've just spend time with Lucas, Tasha and Cameron and mostly I eat dinner with Marshall and Amy. I don't wanna spend much time with Marshall because I don't need my feelings to get stronger for him. I'm not gonna lie, it hurt like shit when he turned me down and therefore I avoid him, unfortunately that influences Amy because I'm not much around them. Me and Amy has been her for a good 3 weeks now and I don't feel the urge to go back to New York. Amy is doing good here and I like to be around Tasha and Lucas.
I'm at Marshall's house right now just to spend a little time with Amy since I'm eating with Lucas and Tasha tonight.
"I was thinking that me and Amy could pick you up tomorrow and we could spend the day together." Marshall walks up behind me in the kitchen where I'm grabbing a water in the kitchen. Amy is in the living room waiting for me to continue the game that we're playing.
"Why?" I ask. "I think me and Amy need a day alone instead." I don't even look at him.
"Is this about the fact that I don't wanna try again?" He asks.
"No." I say and look at him. "This is about the fact that we've been here for 3 weeks and you demand to have Amy all the time. I need to have some alone time with her too Marshall."
"I get that, I feel you Amelia but that wasn't my suggestion." He says.
"I know but that's what I want. I don't need to play happy fucking family with you." I say.
"What the fuck is wrong with you Amelia?" He frowns. "It's you who's made me realize that we need to be a family."
"I just don't feel for that tomorrow." I say.
"Then I'm just gonna drop her off tomorrow at the house and then you can spend the day with her." He says.
"Thanks." I say and I walk past him but he grabs my arm.
"You're sure this hasn't something to do with our talk, cus you've been acting fucking strange since then?" He asks.
"I'm sure." I lie and he looks at me for awhile but don't say anything and neither do I.
"You're such a fucking liar." He says.
"And that's exactly why I don't wanna spend the day with you." I say and yank his hand off me. "I don't wanna spend time with an idiot who constantly disrespects me." And with those words I walk back to Amy.
I finish the game with Amy and then Lucas picks me up

During the whole night I can't even concentrate. Lucas and Tasha are nice company and Cameron is so cute but I guess I'm a mess lately. My life has no structure, I feel like a bad mother because I feel like I'm letting Amy down, I feel that I don't spend enough time with her. I'm still in love with the man who totally broke my heart and betrayed me. I love a man who doesn't wanna be with me. I fucked up a good relationship because I'm blind, blind by a fucking idiot. I'm a mess because I keep fucking up and I've realized that I'll probably do that to the day I die. I don't change, I keep making bad decisions in my life and I'm always standing in shit to over my head. I'm drowning in shit.
Today I just wanna drink and get fucked up, I don't even wanna be here with Lucas and Tasha as mean as it sounds.
"Are you alright?" Tasha suddenly interrupts my thoughts.
"No, actually I don't feel good." I lie.
"You want me to drive you home?" Lucas asks.
"Would you mind?" I ask.
"No man." He says and gets up. "If you don't feel good then we don't wanna hold you." I've been here for about 5 hours but I always stay until midnight. Right now I just wanna get home so I can get changed and go to some club. I just wanna have a few drinks, maybe sleep with some random guy to feel just a little loved. I'm not gonna get totally hammered since Marshall is gonna drop Amy off tomorrow.
"What's going on, sis?" Lucas asks. He knows me so well and I know that he sees right through me, he knows I'm not sick, he knows I'm in a bad state. I haven't told him or Tasha about me and Marshall's talk and I don't intend to tell them.
"What do you mean?" I ask. "I do feel sick."
"Maybe emotionally but there's nothing wrong with your health. You're never sick." He points out.
"And therefore I can't get sick?" I frown.
"Yeah but I know you and right now you're lying right up in my face man." He says offended.
"Have you considered that it's not everything I wanna talk about?" I spat.
"Then tell me that instead man."
"Fine! I don't wanna talk about it!" I get irritated.
"Fine." He says and there's silence for the rest of the drive home.