Just the two of us (book 3)

Chapter 41 New York

Amy and I land in New York airport and we see Rachel right away when we walk out. This whole morning I've been doing nothing else but think about the kiss last night. I'm craving for him now and I can't wait to get back to Detroit so I can maybe have another. I love him, I love him so much that it hurts and it hurts even more that he ain't mine.
"Oh my god, I've missed you so much!" Rachel says when she hugs me.
"I've missed you too." I say and Rachel lifts Amy up in her arms.
"Have you had fun in Detroit baby?" Rachel asks Amy.
"Yes." She says.
"What do you say that we go to Macdonald and grab something to eat?" Rachel asks her.
"Yaaaah!" She says excited.

We drive to Macdonald and get something to eat and I can feel that I'm so confused somehow. I'm glad to be back in New York but I'm craving to be with Marshall right now.
When Amy has eaten her food then she runs off to play which leaves me and Rachel alone.
"Are you okay?" She asks me. "You don't seem happy to be here."
"I am." I assure her. "There's just so much going on so it's hard for me to stay happy."
"Talk to me." Rachel says.
"I don't know where to start Rachel." I sigh deeply. "Honestly, it's a big mess."
"How are you and Marshall getting along?" She asks. I haven't told Rachel anything about me and Marshall. I haven't told her how Marshall told med that he still has feelings for me. I haven't told her how I got fucked up with Robyn and how Marshall busted me and Jake. I haven't told her anything.
"It's very complicated." I say and look down.
"Oh boy, what happened?" Rachel says knowing me and Marshall way too well. She knows when it's complicated then it's really complicated.
"I don't wanna talk about it here." I say. I don't wanna talk about it in a public place, I wanna sit down on the couch tonight and tell her everything.
"Oh, I understand." She says. I'm reminded that I actually have to text Marshall because I promised that I would let him know when we landed.

To; Marshall (5:09pm)
We're in New York now

Marshall (5:14pm)
Good. Tell Rachel that I said hi.

"Marshall says hi." I say to Rachel.
"Thanks." She says smiling.

Reply to Marshall (5:17)
I will

We have a nice day and I can tell that Amy enjoys to be home. I can tell that she's missed Rachel but I find it strange that she hasn't asked about Ken. I know that she knows that he's not gonna be in our lives anymore but still, she's always a girl who asks a lot of questions.

I put Amy to bed at 8 and then I go and join Rachel on the couch. All this ain't gonna be easy to tell Rachel because then I also have to tell her that I did drugs. Rachel hate drugs so she's not gonna be happy that I've done them, specially not when I'm a mother.
"So what's going on?" Rachel asks.
"I don't know." I sigh. "Things has been pretty awkward between us and I felt so shut out, you know? For weeks I just hung out with Tasha and Lucas to avoid being at Marshall's house with his family because they just ignored me anyways. I felt so shitty and it was not good at all. When me and Marshall talked then we argued, we only got along for short moments. One night I actually went to a bar to have fun and Marshall watched Amy so it was all good. I meet old friends like Robyn, do you remember her?"
"Yes, the girl you didn't get along with the first period of time when you just moved to Detroit." Rachel says.
"Exactly and then I meet Jake." I tell her.
"The kid who became a police officer? The one who put James in jail?" Rachel asks.
"Exactly." I say. "It was all good and I flirted with this dude the whole night until his ex girlfriend came and went totally psycho on me. Marshall went nuts about it and he went nuts about the fact that I told Jake everything about Amy in my drunkenness when he drove me home."
"Okay." Rachel says and lets me go on.
"That didn't help on the situation between me and Marshall at all, so I began to stay completely away and he just had Amy. I was in such a bad state and I felt left out and I felt so disliked. I was out of control and Marshall had to to push me into spending time with him and Amy, but I demanded to have a day alone so Marshall agreed. The night before I was gonna spend time with Amy, that would say about two weeks ago then I went out drinking and I also did drugs.."
"You did what?" Rachel hisses.
"Please not now Rachel." I say and Rachel remain silent but her eyes say it all. "I asked Jake to drive me home when the club closed so he did. I ended up sleeping with Jake and because I was so fucked up then I completely forgot that Marshall was gonna drop Amy off the next morning, so Marshall ended up walking in on me and Jake."
"Oh god, what did he do then?" Rachel asks as she knows Marshall's temper.
"He just told me that I had five minutes to get Jake out of the house so I did, but Marshall got so angry because he could tell that I had been sniffing and he thought it was disrespectful to bring a guy home into his house."
"It is." Rachel agrees.
"I know and I apologized but Marshall had some demands. He wanted us to move into the house that he lives in so he could keep and eye on me. I was angry about it but I did it because I knew that it wasn't a suggestion but a demand." I say. "But this whole situation also got Marshall to admit that it hurt him to see me with Jake and that he still loves me."
"So you're back together?" Rachel asks surprised.
"No, too much is going on and Marshall is so insecure about me which I can't blame him for. He wants to see what the time brings and he first wants to get this family situation under control." I tell her. "But we kissed last night."
"I see why you say that it's complicated." Rachel giggles. "But did you ever talk about that kiss?"
"No we kinda acted like it didn't happen but I can't stop thinking about it." I sigh. Last night and this morning everything was just as it normally is and it wasn't even like that kiss happened.
"Of course you can't honey." She says very understanding and there's a moment of silence where I actually just think about that kiss. "But I should slap you for doing drugs Amelia. What the hell were you thinking? What if something had happened to you? What about Amy, huh? That was just irresponsible!"
"I wasn't thinking Rachel, I just wanted to have fun." I say honestly.
"That's a hell of a weird way to have fun." She hisses.
"Yeah okay Rachel, I think I got the message when Marshall gave it to me." I say irritated now.
"Good." She says and my phone now rings and to my surprise I see Marshall's name on the screen.

"Hi." I say when I pick it up.
"Yo, has Amy gone to bed?" He asks.
"Yes."
"Damn, I wanted to say goodnight to her but I lost time in the studio."
"Well I can get her to call you tomorrow." I suggest.
"Yeah, thanks." He says and there's a short moment of silence. "What are you doing?"
"I'm just sitting here talking with Rachel." I say. "What are you doing?"
"I'm just in the studio." He sighs. "Has Amy asked any questions about Ken and all that?"
"No, it's strange."
"Maybe she just understood it."
"Yes, but she's a girl who asks a lot of questions so this isn't like her."
"Maybe she just needs some time to progress all this."
"Maybe." I sigh.
"How are you doing with all this?" He asks.
"I don't know. I'm very confused about all this."
"How come?"
"I just feel strange."
"Has it something to do with last night?" He asks and I'm surprised that he even brought it up.
"Yes. My head is a big mess and I'm glad to be back in New York but some part of me wants to be in Michigan." I tell him.
"Because of me?"
"Yes."
"I want you and Amy here too but as you said; then we need to gain some more self control."
"Mmh." I just say. I don't think we should gain any self control, I think we should lose control and be with each other but I know Marshall wants to be sure that he can trust me.
"You don't think so?"
"Does it matter what I think?" I ask and it's not to be rude but all this is on his terms, not mine.
"Don't start shit Amelia." He sighs.
"No it's not that and I'm not trying to sound rude, really. But it doesn't matter what I think because it has to go in your pace as you're the one with the trust issues."
"Exactly but that doesn't mean that I don't want your opinion."
"I know." I say and there's a moment of silence. "I just really want us to be a family ."
"I know." He says and I hear the door open at him. "I gotta go. Get Amy to call me tomorrow, alright?"
"Yeah." I say. I want to ask him who just came mostly because I'm afraid that it's some girl, but I don't wanna ask because I know that Marshall would think I'm being too nosey.
"Bye." He says and hangs up.

For the rest of the night me and Rachel actually just talks about my time in Detroit.

I hope you liked the chapter, don't forget to comment and vote.

I'm just gonna share something I wrote, just something on my mind. You know the drill, you don't have to pay attention to it but I just sometimes need to put it out there :)

I keep telling myself that there's a brighter side and a brighter future in all this.
I keep telling myself that's it's gonna be better someday and that we just have to fight through this.
I'm very optimistic and I'm a believer.
I believe in you
I believe in us
I believe that we can do this

We have fought against so much so it always seems ridiculous to throw it all on the floor and leave.
I'm not a quitter but how come I begin to believe that there's no end game here?
Every time we overcome a battle then another one appears.
I always told myself that we were fighting because of money and because of the shitty place we lived in, but now that we have money and a good place to live then nothing really changed.
I feel like I'm a burden to you
I feel like I'm a pain in the ass
I feel like all I do is irritate you
Sometimes I wonder why you're with me if that's the truth.
You say you love me but that has slowly become just words to me. I believe you love me in your own fucked up way but I need you to show me. You think you can show me love by buying me nice things now but you end up complaining about the things you give me in the end, how am I suppose to enjoy the nice things then?
You never take me out, you never want to do something together and when you promise me then you end up burning me off.
I want to travel with you and experience things with you because we now have the money for it, but it's like you're not so passionate about it as I am. I feel like I'm just your maid and I'm just here because you wouldn't be able to have a clean house, food on the table or clean clothes if I wasn't here to do those things when you're working late.
Sex is not even a common thing anymore, it's on your terms and when you want it.
I can't even make you smile anymore, only other people can make you smile. Me, I always get this irritated look from you.
It's breaking my heart because I love you so damn much and sometimes I don't even think you deserve all the love I feel for you.

I keep telling myself that all our problems are gonna be solve someday and we come out stronger, but I begin to lose faith in my own words now.