Hope Beyond The Lies [ATTACK ON TITAN OC FANFICTION]

Chapter 2: Refuge and Resilience

Everything is gone. Everything I used to have, everything I've ever known and everything I have ever loved is nothing but smoke in ruins -the aftermath of a tragic disaster.

I'm still shaking. I'm still in shock. My mind couldn't process it. It just keeps repeating all that has happened over and over until I memorized every single detail of the past event that happened. Everyone still couldn't believe and I know somehow that something within me is different. It had just been mere minutes, but it already feels like an eternity when I was taken out of my parent's embrace.

No -I wasn't taken. I willingly crossed that made up bridge, thinking that I'm  granted an escape from the titans, not knowing that by taking that opportunity, I've also taken my parent's only chance at survival. I-If I didn't climb on, then they would've been safe. At least one of them is enough, just not me. 

I don't deserve to live. Guilt ate me out like a monster inside my gut, reminding me of how much I don't deserve this. I was so stubborn. I was so irrational, unreasonable and an impulsive child. It really is true when they say that regret always comes at the end.

Looking over the crystal waters below the ship, a pained and troubled expression crosses my face as my brain did another rewind of what happened. It hurts to say that no matter how many times I repeat those events, it still doesn't make sense and what happened is still the same.

But then, something surfaced inside my head

"Riza, remember the stories I always told you! They are not just stories, let my words and the Rosary guide you, you will find out the truth!"

I was confused before, now I dove deeper into clueless ness, unable to make sense of those words.

Staring at the rosary for an answer, I caressed each bead and looked at it as a memorabilia of my mother and father. This is the last thing they gave me. This is the last thing that can remind me of them.

I feel so conflicted. So many emotions are surging within me all at once. I can only respond to them with tears that continuously slid down my heated cheeks. I do know one thing about this rosary and that is the fact that it was important to them.

Now, it is important to me.

I held the cross inside my closed fist, clutching onto the carved wood as if my very life depends on it. There and then I vowed to always wear it around my neck to remind myself of the two people who sacrificed themselves for my safety.

I lifted my head up, looking at the familiar grim face of someone who walked with slow and heavy footsteps to the tail of the both. His fist were clenched and so was his teeth. His anger radiated off of him in such a way that it stopped everyone's train of thought and just made us all look at him.

"Eren what's wrong? Do you see something?", Armin questioned him. He grabbed hold of Eren's hand, but his grip was swatted away. I stared at them with both confusion and curiosity at the same time I wiped the tears off of my face, afraid to let them see me like this.

"I will kill them all Every.Last.One.", he said it in such a way that can make the subject of his distaste to run and cower, but his words to the rest of them sounds like rubbish. A child dreaming the impossible, that is who Eren was for everyone else on that ship.

But to me, his words rang a familiar tune inside of me. It struck me like lightning, giving me a feeling of such an adrenaline to course through my veins, hissing as it mix into my bloodstream. What was this feeling called again? A thirst for revenge perhaps? Eren made me unlock that feeling.

It also gave me hope and a new sense -a new goal to why I should live and not cower behind the replay of memories inside my head.

I was suddenly so mad at myself. I was so mad because I'm here crying a river, joining the chorus of the people who couldn't do anything but stop and watch as this tragedy happen. I'm so angry because I told myself that I'm not supposed to be on this ship and thinking of how cold or warm the water would be when I jump off this ship. I can't believe myself! Am I seriously thinking of making my parent's sacrifice to nothing?