Hope Beyond The Lies [ATTACK ON TITAN OC FANFICTION]

Chapter 40: Epiphany

"I am the colossal titan" he repeated, and I remained stunned as I stared at him.

I am the colossal titan...

Colossal titan...

Colossal titan...

Colossal titan...

Titan...

It hurts when I first found out, but it hurts more now that it came out of his mouth. All of my anxieties, thoughts and emotions went rampant and scrambled. I feel dizzy, nauseous and angry. I feel like I'm about to puke my nonexistent lunch.

But all these emotions inside of me never reached the surface. I wore nothing but a face filled with shock, nothing else. He was crying and I don't know what I should do. Should I say something? Give him a pep talk? Pat his back? Be quiet? I suck at this. Of all of the people that could be in this position, it's me who gets it.

But that's the point, right? Of all the people he could've confessed to, he chose me. I don't know if I should be thankful or guilty because I already know everything he's telling me.

"I don't want to this anymore. I thought wrong. I didn't want to even do this in the first place but they said that its for the greater good. I was a child, foolish and naive. I could've- I..." he stammered, his composure breaking before my very eyes.

So I sat there, watching him cry his heart out. I took note of every detail he told me. I took in all the emotions that passed through my chest. I clutched my fists, hoping to calm the feeling that is bubbling down deep within the pits of my stomach.

Despite all the emotions like sadness, guilt, empathy and pity that I feel for him. One emotion stood above everything else: anger.

If he's so sorry then why does he still do it?

If he's sorry then he should prove it. Before me and everyone else.

If he's so sorry then he should do penance. He should pay for what he has done.

I don't care who he is or who he was to me. What he did to all those people is injustice. He could've done something -anything to prevent the tragedy that happened to all of us.

Can his apology bring back the trauma that everyone went through that day?

Can his apology make up for the damage he caused?

Can his apology bring back my whole family?

All this rage, all this anger building up inside of me...why can't I tell it to his face? Why can't I shout at him and hurt him like how he hurt me? It hurts. IT FUCKING HURTS SO DAMN MUCH!

Does he have any idea of what I went through BECAUSE OF HIM?

"You have every right to curse me, to yell at me. If you feel like it then you can beat me up here and now. I deserve it" he muttered, turning his head and standing up before me while I remained sitting down. He didn't leave, he stood there, towering over me.

Then he points an accusing finger on his chest, "I am the one who killed all our friends"

I stood up from my sitting position, keeping a safe distance away from him, but facing him head on, despite our 25 cm height gap.

"I am the one who broke the walls and killed all those people" he poked himself on his chest again, looking at me with an angry gaze filled with tears and regret. His anger isn't directed at me, rather to himself.

"I am the one who killed your parents" I couldn't take it. Before I can control myself, I already grabbed his collar and slammed him to the wall with all the anger pent up inside of me. I glared at him, I gripped on his shirt with all my might. He looked at me with surprise but nothing can replace the tinge of regret in his eyes.