Inimitable Love. (Harry Styles)

Chapter 29.

HARRY'S P.O.V

Fuck.

Fuck fuck and fuck.

I'm such an ass for not telling her earlier.

I thought it was my past so it won't matter. I know she would not push me to regret what I did to girls when I was young. But the mistake I did in the gym and to her brother actually added fuel to fire.

She would be thinking I was playing with her the entire time. I also know how much low she thinks of herself. She won't even take a split second to think "Why would anyone even look at me" and lame stuffs like that. I'm so stupid.

I should have stopped her and explained myself completely to her despite knowing that how much hate was dripping from her eyes. Hate is a strong word, maybe and anger fits in more properly?

"Harry I am home!"

Mom's voice broke me from my thoughts and I stopped pacing around my room and tugging at the end of my curls.

Fuck, how she used to play with them in the mornings when I used to cuddle with her. I never allowed anyone to do that, but for her I could do anything.

Before my mind could register what I was doing, my feet carried me out of the house.

"Where are you going? Is Ciara still here?" Mom asked behind me.

"I'll be back tomorrow and she has gone." I answered shortly and she nodded her head.

She has gone. This phrase can be nothing to her, but it is worth paying attention to me.

Had she really gone? Will she be back? Ever? Did I really deserve an acceptance of apology from her?

Shit. I was thinking way too much. Maybe she just wanted time and then everything would be fine.

The car ride to the boys' house was a blur. My car was spitting ice, I wasn't wearing any jacket and even after the presence of street lights I only saw dark.

I stood in front of the door and all those memories came back when I used to come back home drunk, mom used to yell at me and then always I ended up sleeping here.

As I opened the door, Liam appeared in the sitting area busy watching a football match.

"Liam." I gained his attention.

"Harry? What happened? Why do you look like you've been depressed for eight years?" His voice was concerned but it was only irritating me. I rolled my eyes in frustration.

"Come, have a seat here." He switched the television off and I sat down beside him.

"Liam can ya make some edible food instead of this shit?" Niall came from the hallway.

As soon as he saw me, he stopped blabbering about his unsatisfied food desire and must have noticed my ass face.

He rushed to hug me and suddenly I felt like a vulnerable actress and he was almost resembling like my night in shining armour.

He broke the embrace and gave a questioning look to Liam asking for my current situation. He shrugged, a cue for me to start explaining.

"I told everything to Ciara. How I fucked up in the past, her brother and his vague girlfriend and that Beth who literally forced me to fuck her. I don't know why when I mentioned her, she got angry and left. I don't even know if she would ever talk to me after that. I feel like a dick right now, it feels as if I was playing with her all the time. But you know it's not true."

I stopped my useless explanation. If only she had been here, it would have been a different situation.

"Maybe Beth is her school mate. I am not sure but l have heard Jason talking about a girl with this name long ago." Liam placed his hand on my shoulder and spoke with no judgement in his voice.

I had the best mates in the world.

That's why she reacted that way. Did she think I was in relationship with that girl? Fuck, that slut? Never. Why would I choose that chick over Ciara?

On the contrary we never really accepted to be in a relationship. I never dated her because she was all so unfamiliar with it. I didn't want to pressurise her over such things when she had her studies too. Fuck, we never needed any tag to specify our relationship. We are far more than that. Aren't we? Maybe.

"What should I do now? It just has been a couple of hours and I have started missing her."

I missed her, her laugh, her cheeky comments, her beautiful eyes, the way her cheeks flushed whenever I flirted with her, her amused face whenever I got too much irritated by her but deep down we both knew we are incomplete without each other. Our conversations, the day when we danced like wild animals, when we shared any meal how we always ended up in food fights. Her touch, her soft skin, her flat smooth stomach, her sexy as hell body, her sassy attitude, that tomboy attitude which always amazed me. She was fucking one in the whole world.

"She has got you whipped. Look at you. You are on the verge of crying because of her." Niall gave me a sympathetic look.

"I'm not sad because of her. I'm sad because of me. My mistakes which she is bearing right now." I shook my head at my own stupidity.

She was so important to me. I cared about her a lot. More than myself. Each and every activity she did could never be gone unnoticed by me. How can she think like this? How can she just assume things? Because of You dumb Styles. My subconscious poked me. It was all so messed up.

"Don't cloud your mind with these many useless thoughts. Just give some time to her. To process all this, then maybe you can talk to her. You can explain how you feel about her, we know how she looks at you as well." Liam started explaining.

"Hell yes, it was easy to guess on the first day we met her. The way you both look at each other is like you will end up burying yourself in her, cringy as fuck, but still you both look nice together." Niall continued Liam's speech trying to make us laugh but my scowl only darkened.

She was so innocent. Her soul was so pure to handle all these sex-related matters. Even though sometimes she talked about things like that but she never meant to make any move to take physical things a step further.

I shouldn't have done all those things in the past. Why couldn't I have a simple, proper past like everyone else has? I swear all this wouldn't have been this much messed up.

Fine, if all of the things indicated to this conclusion, I will give her time. But I was not sure I can stay away from her any longer.

"You can stay here if you want." Liam smiled at me and I smiled back.

It seemed like after centuries I was smiling for the first time.

"Where are Zayn and Louis?" I asked to change the saddened atmosphere around us.

"Louis has gone to a date with Eleanor and Zayn was busy with his family I don't know for what reason." Liam shrugged.

"Come on now, boost up. She will understand you. Make some food with me." Niall switched on the television once again and I started following Liam.

"I love her. I love Ciara." I blurted out of the blue.

Both of them looked at me with shocked expressions and their jaws glued to the ground.

Okay. Here we go...

***

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Until next time,
Much love,
Mohika Arya.